Hooray for Not being Dead, Fired, or Eaten!
by faballa
Summary: Three friends embark on a journey. Along the way they will face many trials. Should one speak of his love for the other? Should faces be pierced? And, GASP, will they all be forced to share a room? Only time will tell, and this story, will tell. REPOSTED!
1. Chapter 1: Comic Relief

**A/N: **This is the fourth in the series. Wow! If you want the beginning, check out _But You're My Best Friend! _

**Disclaimer: **All characters EXCEPT Esme are © J.K. Rowling.

--

_Midsummer, 1996. Mid-evening. Professor Albus Dumbledore's office._

"But really," Snape said cynically, "you expect me to _kill _you?"

"Yes," Dumbledore said, nodding almost cheerfully.

"Alright," he said cautiously. "Where's the pot? If you're smoking, you have to share with me."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Dumbledore said jovially. "Now honestly, what is your problem with killing me?"

"Well, you are my boss. Who will sign my pay checks?"

"Think of it as 'becoming your own boss'!"

"Right," he chuckled, but suddenly turned serious. "What about Esme? She'd hate me."

"It's the only way you can protect her," Dumbledore said solemnly.

"What about shipping her off to Slovakia?" Snape asked hopefully. "But seriously, she's already protected by her dear godfather."

"She won't be for long," he shook his head. "What does Tom want from her?"

Snape jumped, slightly shocked from hearing Voldemort's real name. "H-how should I know?" he stuttered. Dumbledore stared at him. "Alright fine. He's hoping she'll join his side a off the whole Weasley clan, plus give him an open path to Potter," he spat out the name.

"But when he finds out she won't do that," Dumbledore said, raising his eyebrows, "Bellatrix will kill her."

"Yeah, she's pretty mad about the bite marks. They've yet to fade."

"So?" he prompted.

"Fine!" he snapped. "I'll kill you to protect the stupid bitch and her family."

"A year ago you were in love with her!"

"Still am," he muttered. "Stupid bitch."

--

_The Burrow. A bit later._

"Well, I was sleeping really peacefully last night," Esme began, "and suddenly I have this horrible sensation that I'm being stabbed billions of times by fiery hot pitchforks from Hell. So to answer your question, Ginny, that would be why I woke up screaming last night."

"Oh, I figured it had something to do with the constant sex you two are having," Ginny muttered below her breath, so her mother couldn't hear.

"Wonderful story, Esme," Tonks said bleakly. She'd arrived at the Burrow a few days earlier and had done nothing but sit around moping and refusing to tell anyone what was wrong.

"Why thank you. Now you shall regale us with the tale of why you are so sad and mopey. Did your puppy die? Were you mugged? Did someone put a permanent natural-color spell on your hair?" Esme asked unsympathetically. In her mind, bleakness wasn't to be tolerated.

"Be nice, Esme," Molly said from her place by the stove. "She's depressed."

"Pfft. I wasn't nice to Sirius when he was depressed."

"Yeah, but that's the thing about being married to you," Sirius said, snaking an arm around her shoulders. "You've either got to toughen up, or kill yourself. And I'm too damn lazy to kill myself. Now tell us what's wrong, baby cousin."

"Well, it's just," Tonks sighed deeply, "Remus."

"Le gasp!" Esme shrieked.

"He snogged me for hours at the reception. I thought there was really something between us, but he said that we could never be together because he was a werewolf and he was nearly fifteen years older than me." She stifled a sob, "I don't _care_ if he's a werewolf! I love him because he's gentle, and sweet, and he doesn't stare at my boobs or my hair…"

"You've met this guy what, all of four times?" Esme tilted an eyebrow.

"And one of those times he was really drunk," Sirius added, looking disturbed.

"I thought you two were supportive of me dating Remus!"

"That was before he went off to live in a werewolf coven," Esme said simply.

"I can't believe you! Esme, you're supposed to be my friend!"

"That doesn't mean I have to support you in every choice you make!"

"You're one to talk, you married a convict!"

"GET OUT!" Esme cried. Tonks turned on her heel and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Sirius, Molly, and Ginny quite pale. Esme sat down shaking, and the room was silent.

The quiet did not last. It was no more than five minutes later when Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour burst through the front door and into the room.

"Bill!" Molly gasped. "You can't just come _bursting _in here like that! You have to prove it's you. Now, what was your nickname for your broomstick when you were younger?"

"Mum, do I really have to do this?"

"Yes."

"Fine," he glanced at the floor and muttered, "_Powerstick."_ Fleur giggled from behind her hand. "You won't need to ask her then. She's with me."

"Oh really?" Esme smirked.

"Yes. Mum, Ginny, Esme, Sirius: Fleur and I are getting married." The glass Ginny was holding slipped from her hand and crashed to the floor. Everyone stared, their mouths agape. "I know it's quick…"

"I didn't even know you were dating," Esme said faintly.

"I thought it would be best that Fleur live with you for awhile, you know, to get acquainted with the family. I've actually got to leave for work later this afternoon."

"I think this is all the proof that we need that he's not a Death Eater," Ginny said softly. "Only Bill would do something this crazy."

"You know," Esme said, keeping her eyes on her mother, "when life turns into a soap opera, it's time to bloody LEAVE!"

--

"So, how exactly is this assisting to the Order?" Sirius said curiously, as Esme aimed a needle at his eyebrow.

"Through subtle rebellion, you fight against The Man!" Esme said, shaking the needle dangerously close to Sirius' eye. "Also it's the most fighting Dumbledore will let us do."

"Have you ever thought that maybe he didn't want to preserve our lives, and that he really just thinks were really crappy fighters?"

"Please, if he thinks that, then I totally showed him while in the apartment of mysteries."

"Department."

"Huh?"

"The Department of Mysteries was where we were fighting. And honestly, you're proving my theory right."

"I think he just fears our power. Our power of incompetence."

"What are you two _doing_?" Molly had padded downstairs after hearing their voices. Her eyes darted from the needle poised precariously above Sirius' eye to his already bleeding earlobe and lip.

"I'm piercing Sirius's eyebrow as a way to stick it to The Man." Molly stared at her daughter.

"Who, may I ask, is this man?"

"…Voldemort. You know, I was doing a little math earlier, and I discovered that he owes me forty-seven thousand galleons worth of gifts for all of my missed birthdays and Christmases. Stop laughing or I'll run this fucking needle through your eye!"

"I'm sorry. Actually, I'm really not."

"Why are you doing this so early in the morning?" Molly said, exasperated.

"We didn't want others to be around to disturb us."

"I see. Well, you didn't quite pick the best day to do two a.m. eyebrow piercings; Harry's supposed to arrive soon!"

"Harry?" Esme asked curiously, as though she'd never heard of him.

"Your biological half-brother." Molly said, her eyebrows pushing together. No response. "The boy whose shoulders carry the weight of the world." Still no response.

"Short, scrawny kid with glasses. Angsts a lot," Sirius said simply, eyeing the needle.

"Oh, _that_ Harry." Conveniently, there came a knocking at the door. "I'll get it!" She trotted over to the door. "Who's there?"

"It is I, Albus Dumbledore, bringing Harry Potter to your humble abode!"

"Ah, hello Sir! Come right in." She welcomed them into the house with a sweep of her hand.

"Hello Esme," Harry said smiling. Then his eyes caught the large needle, brow ring, lemon, and a lot of slowly melting ice. "What are you doing?"

"I'm piercing Sirius's eyebrow as a way to stick it to The Man!"

"Excellent work, Esmeralda! Question authority!" Dumbledore praised.

"Damn straight. Harry, I didn't even know you were coming!"

"She also couldn't quite remember who you were," Sirius quipped.

"Well, I lost a few brain cells after being kicked upside the head by Bellatrix."

"That was quite possibly the greatest way to end the year," Harry said, grinning at his half-sister.

"This year I'm thinking of lighting something, or someone, on fire."

"_How are you still allowing her to teach?" _Molly hissed to Dumbledore.

"Oh, well, everyone needs a little comic relief every now and then."

--


	2. Chapter 2: Happy Birthday, Harry

Typical Disclaimers Apply

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **Oh, thank you so much for all the reviews! I've been out of town for the past week, but I wrote a TON, so I should be updating regularly now.

--

Esme was pondering. She was not wondering, thinking, or considering; she was merely pondering. What about, Sirius was not sure. However, he did think this the perfect time to sneak up on her from behind, as Rosie, of course..

"Sirius, is that you licking my wrist? Because if it's not, someone's going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble." She smiled as Sirius licked her wrist and transformed.

"I was just curious about what you were thinking."

"And you thought sneaking up to me as a three-and-a-half foot tall canine was going to help you along?"

"C'mon love, what's bothering you?"

She sighed deeply, "Tonks."

"Aw, you know she was just mad at you. So she called me a convict; it's the newest hip craze! It's like drugs."

"I'm _worried _about her, Siri! She's never been this," she sighed dramatically, "_infatuated_ with a bloke before and it really upsets her when she really wants something and she can't have it."

"So should we persuade Remus to date her so that she isn't forced to grow up a bit?" he said sarcastically.

"Brilliant idea! I knew I married you for a reason! Now I must scheme…" Ron wandered in sleepily as Esme left, muttering plans under her breath.

"You really have to stop encouraging her, Sirius. She's the type who takes sarcasm as a challenge."

"I'm learning."

--

"Alas, my plans are set in place. Remus shall be invited to Harry's sixteenth birthday party. Once the festivities are over, I shall corner him and berate him until he agrees to court Tonks! My plan cannot fail!" Esme said, adapting the oh-so-clever outer-monologue.

"Um, Esme dearest," Sirius said timidly. "When I married you I basically figured you'd keep your crazy schemes to annoying Snape and me."

"Well, Sirius, love, that wasn't in our vows, so I'm not legally bound to do so."

"Have you thought about what you're going to say to him?"

"Well, no, but I have time."

"You—you do realize that Harry's birthday party is tonight, don't you?"

"It is? No it's not."

"Did you suffer any minor brain injuries from your fight with Bella?"

"Yes. Yes I did."

"Well, I've got a gift that can be from the two of us. Hell, you're his sister; you're not supposed to give a damn about him anyway."

"Are you mad at me?" she asked flatly. He looked at her, surprised.

"Not really. I'm not the angry type."

"At our reception you lit Severus on _fire_."

"Yes well, you can't say you haven't done the same thing."

"I haven't…yet."

"Damn it! Ron warned me about giving you ideas!"

--

"Hello, Remus," Esme said evilly. After the party, she'd chased Remus down and forced him into one of the larger linen closets.

"Um, hello Esme," he said nervously, eyeing the doorway.

"Lovely party, wasn't it?"

"Uh, yes. Is there any particular reason you're cornering me in a dark room?" He paused to think, "Did Sirius pay you to do this?"

"No, I don't do Sirius's bidding. He does mine. Anyway, I called you in here to have a talk."

"You mean you dragged me in here to have a talk. Is this about Dora?"

"No, it's about—oh yes, yes it is about Tonks. Why aren't you dating her?"

"God, this again? Look, she's too young and I'm too dangerous."

"Bah! Ignoring my constantly changing opinions on you, those are stupid reasons not to date, get married, and move back in with your parents."

"_Back_ in would mean that you actually left!" Arthur called through the door.

"I told you, Dad! Getting a house is pointless 'cause I spend so much time at the castle!" she yelled back through the door; then turned her attentions to Remus. "You know, everyone told me that marrying a convict who was fourteen years older than me was a bad idea, but did I listen to them? Of course not. And Sirius never had a problem with dating me!"

"Sirius hadn't seen the outside world for twelve years before he dated you. He had no social graces." He thought for a moment, "In fact, he still doesn't have any social graces."

"True, but obviously we're living proof that two people, no matter their age differences or tendencies towards near-homicide, can live in perfect harmony."

"But you and Sirius are _different_!" he protested. "You're practically insane! Dora and I are normal people who think before they act, we can't just get together on a whim! I'm a _werewolf_ Esme! I could hurt her! And if I hurt the woman I love I could never live with myself," he looked down into Esme's glittering, smirking eyes. "N-not that I love her, it's just, hypothetically, I suppose it's possible…"

"You _like _her," she said slowly, drawing it out.

"N-no, I'm just saying if I were to be put in that situation…"

"Guess what Siri!" she called through the door.

"What?"

"I won!"

"You _always _win, love!"

--

"So Lupin's going to date Tonks?" Ginny said curiously, looking up from the Pygmy Puff she was playing with.

"If I have any say in the matter, which I do," Esme said, looking pleased.

"Do you seriously control the lives of all who surround you?"

"Yes dear. And if you'd read the empowerment book a give you for your birthday, you would too."

"Swell. What should I name my Pygmy Puff?" Hearing this, Sirius trotted into the room.

"I think you should name it Earl."

"Nonsense, Esme! It should be named after me!"

"What?"

"Yes. Everything should be named after me! Dogs, cats, cities, schools and all of our children: Sirius Orion Black!" Ginny stared from her sister to her brother-in-law.

"You two have both developed severe superiority complexes."

--

"I can't believe you 'ave to leave so soon!" Fleur, who had taken an odd shine towards Esme, cried sadly.

"I know, it's truly awful," Esme said flatly. She had not reciprocated said shine.

"Are you taking the train again? You took the train last year." Arthur, on the other hand, seemed to be looking forward to their departure.

"No, the Ministry opened up a Floo network for us. We'll miss you, but we've really got to be their five minutes ago." Esme took one last look at her family. "See you in September!"

"Have a nice holiday!" Sirius waved before stepping into the fire place. Seconds later they climbed noisily out of Dumbledore's fireplace and into his crowded office.

"Ah, the Professors Black! How lovely of you to come," he said with a jovial smile.

"So is this one of those 'let's shove all of the professors in a small room even though we have many open classrooms' moments?" Esme said cheerfully, taking her spot between Snape and her husband.

"Yes. Yes it is. Now, onto new business. I suppose that many of you have noticed the return of Professor Horace Slughorn. Sirius and Severus, I'm sure you remember him from your good old days at Hogwarts. He will be teaching alongside Esmeralda—"

"Wait, Sir," Esme interrupted, "if Sev's been fired, shouldn't he leave?" Snape stared at her as she fixed him with an overly-pleasant grin.

"No. Severus will be teaching all second, fourth, and sixth year students Defense Against the Dark Arts." Sirius' jaw dropped. "Now Horace has specially requested to teach sixth years, therefore, if it's all right with you Esmeralda, you will be teaching all odd-numbered years. Now, onto the debacle at hand: Lord Voldemort is back and is out in the open. Those at risk have already been assigned people to follow them around and make sure no one harms them. That's the reason why Hagrid isn't here." Esme raised her hand, "What is it Esme?"

"Well, Sirius and I were debating earlier; he thinks you're telling the truth and that you really don't want one of us to die and leave the other in a living Hell, but I thought that maybe you just saw us as totally incompetent. Who's right?" All of the professors stared at her, gaping.

"You both are. Sirius should at least have a few years of freedom before he's murdered. You Esme, well you have totally protection from Voldemort, what with being his godchild, and even with that half of a dozen Death Eaters want you dead, so I can only assume that you're, as you say, 'totally incompetent.'"

"Hey, when I left in June, only two Death Eaters wanted my head on a stick. What happened?"

"They just don't like you," Snape said coolly.

"Gee, thanks Sev. You make a girl feel good inside."

--


	3. Chapter 3: The Incident with the Oven

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

--

"Ah, Esmeralda? There seems to be a bit of a problem with your room," Dumbledore said gently, tapping Esme on the shoulder. The meeting had ended, and while Sirius caught up with Slughorn, Esme, near tears, sought solace with Snape ("How could someone possibly not love me?!" "Well, you are short, whiny, and crying.")

"Will the perils never end?!" she cried, turning around. "Must my life be nothing but a stream of heartbreak and misery?" She stopped crying. "But really, what's wrong with it?"

"It's…broken," he said finally. Esme stared at him, her forehead creasing.

"Broken? How is my room broken?"

"Well, 'flooding' is a better word for it."

"And you can't fix it?" Dumbledore shook his head gravely.

"We're trying, but for now you and Sirius should unpack in Severus's room." Snape turned very, very white.

"WHAT?!" he shrieked.

"Now, Severus, it won't be that terrible; you've faced worse."

"My room is half the size that it was last year. It's no where near my classroom and it has absolutely _no_ heat. Now you expect me to share with _them?"_

"Yes," he said simply.

"Alright then," he shrugged. "Esme get your husband and your bags."

"On the way will you remind me how wonderful and special I am, and how so many people love me?" she asked pathetically. Snape swallowed, trying hard not to vomit.

"Yes..." She went to grab Sirius, but first turned back to Dumbledore.

"Sir," she asked politely, "what happened to your hand?" She looked pointedly towards Dumbledore's blackened right hand, the skin looking like it had been gnawed off by some creature.

Esme did not catch Snape's flinch or the look of clear that crossed his face. Dumbledore flashed a smile at him, then Esme. "Ah, yes, I had a bit of an accident with some—oh what do the Muggles call them?" He paused for a second and scratched his chin. "Ah, yes! Pizza roles! I had a bit of an accident with some 'pizza roles.'"

--

"Hooray! This will be just like an awkward, sarcastic sleepover!" Esme sang as she unpacked onto the cot-bunkbeds. Snape surveyed his room with pain in his eyes. So far they'd been able to set up a small set of bunkbeds, and tiny wardrobe, a few chairs (sans-cushions) with a blanket thrown over them, and just enough floor space for each of them to stand without touching one another.

"I don't think there's enough room…we can't expand it anymore," he said sadly. "Those cots are barely big enough for one of us, and there're only two…"

"Well then, one of us gentlemen will have to sleep on that couch-thing." Sirius said heroically, gesturing to the make-shift pile of chairs and blankets.

"Wonderful for you to volunteer," Snape smirked.

"Um, yes. Yes, I shall sleep on the couch-thing!"

"You know," Snape said under his breath as Esme unpacked, "you already married her; you don't have to keep trying to impress her."

"Oh, you never had to impress me!" Esme cried from across the room. "I had you from the beginning."

"I sometimes like to pretend she didn't."

"Speaking of dear, Tonks is going to be working here! That means I can persuade her to be my friend again and we can both set off to force, er, _convince_ Remus to proclaim his love for her!" Esme cheered.

"Wow that sounds like a plan that couldn't fail at all!" Snape muttered sardonically. "How do you know he even fancies her?"

"He told me when I was interrogating him!" she giggled.

"How do you know he wasn't lying to get away from you?"

"Who could ever want to be away from me?"

--

"TONKS!" Esme sprinted out of the Great Hall and onto the grounds at full speed, straight at her friend.

"Go back to the feast, Esme," she said coolly, not turning around.

"Not gonna happen, darling," she clucked. "I have devised a wonderful plan for you to sink your claws into Remus."

"I'm not interested. Just go back before you get in trouble."

"Tonks, when have I ever left before I got something I wanted?"

"Aren't you more worried about Snape pulling your brother in by the ear?"

"I'm not easily distracted dear."

"He insulted my Patronus."

"The wolf? Well then, I'll have to kill him."

"Said it looked weak," she whispered. The sadness in her voice was practically tangible.

"No canine Patronus is ever weak," Esme said kindly. "I should know."

"Whatever. Look, just go back; we're too old to go about tricking boys to fall in love with us." She turned to look at Esme, who was smirking; her hands placed on her hips in a "Who are you jesting 'cause it's definitely not me" pose.

"_Nymphadora…_" she cooed.

"Oh, who am I kidding? What's the plan?" And in the rain, you could barely see the twin silhouettes huddled together planning the scheme of their lifetimes.

About a half an hour later Esme went back to the feast. She was hungry. Casually, she swung into her seat between Sirius and Snape.

"Hey, love, did Dumbledore realize I was gone?"

"I can't say either way."

"He did," Snape said, smirking to his plate.

"Hey, you! You need to stop making fun of my friend's Patronus!"

"Yeah, that's not going to happen. Canine Patroni are awful. They're weak as hell and are typically too playful to do anything with. Like puppies."

"You know Snape, I'm bigger than you, and—" Sirius began, cracking his knuckles menacingly.

"You know Siri, a start-of-term feast is not a smart place to start a fight." Esme said tightly.

--

"I just love the first day back to school," Sirius said whimsically. "Fresh-faced students, full of sarcasm and unfriendly vibes, it just makes my heart flutter! Especially because the only students taking Defense Against the Dark Arts today are second, fourth, and sixth years," he added maliciously, causing Snape to flinch.

"Why are you even here?" Snape growled.

"Well, you did hear Professor Dumbledore: If neither of us picks up our acts, we're going to have to start teaching together. So, once you left, I told him that I'd be proactive and just start teaching with you today."

"I _loathe _you."

"Aw, you're just like Esme; you say whatever's on your mind, no matter how nonsensical it is! I've always found that trait in her absolutely adorable."

"You know, I'm looking forward to the day my job kills me." The doors to the large classroom swung open, and in trekked Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Speaking of, it's the Golden Trio!" Sirius nearly shouted. The kids cringed from the noise. "How _are _you all?"

"Hello, Sirius. What are you doing here?" Harry said tentatively.

"Well, now that Esme, Snape and I have all been forced to become roommates, Professor Dumbledore thought it best I become well acquainted with my new roomy!" He lowered his voice and changed tone, "How's Esme doing with Slughorn?"

"She seems to hate him. Supposedly he's been trying to teach her class while, at the same time, get her to regale him with tales of growing up evil."

"I think he believes she actually knew the evil side of her family. Or any side of her family, at that matter," Hermione said. "Except for Harry!"

"Please stop reminding me," he groaned.

"What's so bad about being related to my wife?" Sirius' eyes flashed dangerously.

"It's the idea that his father was ever with another woman," Hermione quipped. "It's psychologically scarring, in my own opinion. It'd be like finding out his mum dated Snape."

"You do realize I can hear you, don't you?" Snape growled from about four feet away.

"Eeep! Evil Snape stares!" Hermione shrieked and began backing away.

"I'm beginning to worry about the amount of time you've been spending with Esme." Sirius said, massaging his temples.

--

"So," Esme said cheerfully to the bleak faces around the teachers' lounge, "has anyone else noticed how strange Draco Malfoy's been acting?"

"Puberty," coughed Professor Sinistra.

"It's probably just her time of the month," Binns wheezed. "Dracine always seemed like the emotional type." No one bothered to correct him.

"It's probably just a girl," Sprout said whimsically. "Perhaps that lovely Hermione Granger has him head-over-heels in love!"

"I highly doubt it." In quick strides Snape crossed the room and stared down at Esme. "And may I add, Esmeralda, you should not go around meddling in business that's not your own."

And he left.

--

**A/N: **Hooray! Another chapter! Please, please review!


	4. Chapter 4: Compulsion and its Downsides

**Typical disclaimers still apply.**

**A/N: **Please review! It makes my heart all happy. And, for those who don't know but have been reading this, this story is fourth in a series. I forgot to put that at the beginning. The first story is called _But You're My Best Friend! _

--

_Get-Remus-to-fall-in-love-with-Tonks (title pending) Plan Part 1— Kidnap Remus_

"Oh _Sirius!" _Esme sang, prancing into the bedroom they were all currently and unfortunately sharing. Sirius looked up at narrowed his eyes at her. Snape stared at the ceiling.

"Whatever it is, I don't want anything to do with it."

"But I haven't even asked you to—"

"Doesn't matter. The last time I heard that tone of voice I nearly lost a finger, not to mention some other bits." His cheeks turned a bit pink and Esme positively beamed.

"Well, yes, but that was your own damn fault. I only need to know where Remus is stationed." Sirius looked at her apologetically.

"I'm very sorry love, but I don't know."

"I do," Snape said from his place on the top bunk. Esme gasped.

"Really? How?"

"Unlike your husband, I've been doing actual _work _for the Order, rather then telling young children about how horrible prison and the Ministry are."

"So where is he?" Esme asked quickly, trying to heed off Sirius' somewhat inevitable and definitely violent response. Snape smirked.

"No where you can access," he snorted. You're not allowed to leave the grounds, unless you're going on a Hogsmeade trip, without permission from Dumbledore, and there's no bloody way he'd let you go to this place just to get a date for your friend."

"You haven't told me where he is yet." Esme narrowed her eyes dangerously and Snape's smirk widened.

"And I'm not going to. That's the thing about me; unlike most of your friends, I'm not going to give you the means to kill yourself and all others around you." He rolled over to look at her. "They probably should have thought of that when they gave you your wand."

"Wait a minute," Sirius said slowly. "Tonks works for the Ministry, right?"

"Don't go ragging on her about how horrible it is these days; I'm sure she already knows."

"I won't, but she's also one of the most trusted members of the Order, right?

"Yes…"

"Then wouldn't she know? I mean, I know that only a few people on the inner circle know, but she's got to be one of them!"

"Brilliant!"

"He's with a den of werewolves and you're not going!" Snape blurted protectively. Esme grinned brilliantly.

"Well then, I suppose I'll have to bring him here."

--

_Kidnap-the-werewolf-and-force-him-to-date-Tonks Plan Part 2—Luring the Wolf_

"What lures a wolf?" Esme asked thoughtfully. "Should we get three little pigs?"

"You know, Esme," Tonks said tightly, "as much as I love the fact that you're helping to force a man to fall in love with me, do you ever think that what we're doing may be wrong?"

"No. One of the benefits of growing up with the Malfoys is that the only thing I see as 'wrong' is killing the innocent. Pigs don't count," she added as an afterthought.

"I see. But I still think that luring a pack of werewolves here is unwise. Couldn't I just write him a letter?"

"Pfft," snorted Esme. And let it be opened and read by The Man? I don't think so."

"You know, you've never really specified who this 'man' is. The way you talk about it, it almost sounds like Umbridge, and though I know she was never all that feminine…." she trailed off, looking like she didn't want to finish her sentence.

"The Man's a composite character. It reads mail and keeps me down."

"Yet again, I see but don't think you're right," she sighed. "Look Es, we all have our reasons for distrusting the government, probably because they nearly got all of us killed, but it's still not grounds for refusing to write letters."

"It's not just the letters!" Esme whined. "It's so bloody boring this year that this is the only thing I have to do!"

"Isn't their something else you could do with your time other than sacrificing livestock?!"

Esme was silent for a moment, but then mused, "Do you think that could work?"

--

"Knock knock!" Snape said, oddly cheerfully, as he walked into the room.

"Where've you been?" Esme said glumly, face down on her bed.

"Speaking with Dumbledore," he said, smirking winningly at her. "He wants you to stop attempting to summon werewolves to the school through sacrifice. Also he'd like you to stop musing about how you're going to get said sacrificial pigs into the school while teaching a class. You're frightening the children."

"That's nice," she said halfheartedly.

"Hey what's wrong? Typically you greet me with bouncy sarcasm."

"Sirius and I had a fight," she sighed, sitting up, but still not looking at him. "He thinks I'm too compulsive and don't weigh the consequences of my actions. He says that one day I'm going to really hurt someone, and that he's not sure if he wants to be around when it happens."

Snape bit back saying "He's absolutely right. It'd probably best if you just went and lived in a cave somewhere." For some reason, he thought it best not to drive the woman he was in love with to tears. "It's not as bad as it seems. Look, tensions are really high right now and people aren't thinking straight. I mean, I recently heard of this one girl who was sacrificing pigs to lure a pack of werewolves onto the grounds, just so she could make her friend happy." She giggled a little, very softly. He swallowed, choosing his next few words carefully. "And I know this man who's in love with this woman; even though he knows it's completely impossible for them to be together. But he can't even tell her he loves her, because she's happy with someone else, and he doesn't want to make her sad."

"Really?" she turned to him, looking surprised. "Well that's stupid."

"What?"

"If he loves this girl, like, a lot, he should tell her!" she said passionately.

"You don't understand. It's a delicate situation. She's got another man and they've been happy for a very long time, though not as long as this man's known this woman…"

"But if he loves her with all of his heart, then she needs to know! If we're only met for one person in the whole entire world—"

"You see, that's where we're wrong. My theory is that we're not meant for anyone in the whole entire world, there are just some people who are a little less intolerable than others. Eventually you strike up a match with one of them and feel happy because you've finally found someone to fill the empty shell that is your life. However, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other people who are just like your 'one and only,' meaning that, if necessary, he can be easily replaced," he said coldly.

"Oh no that's not true!" she gasped. "There's only one person you could love with all of your heart forever and ever, and you're lucky enough if you meet them! And if you do meet them but you don't do anything, well that's just terrible! I couldn't imagine a life without someone to complete me. Someone to_ love _me! Life without a one and only would be worse than anything anyone at school did to me! Hell, it would even be worse than the eventual series of horribly painful hexes Bellatrix is going to put on me!"

Snape smiled slightly. "I suppose The Idiot is that one and only; that special someone."

"Well that's just the problem." She stared straight at him, not even blinking. "I'm not sure if he is!" she shook her head as though she was trying to get rid of the thought. "What I'm saying is that you've got to tell this guy to tell this girl about how he feels, or else they'll both end up lonely and sad."

"Alright," he said weakly, "I'll tell her."

"Her?"

--

**A/N: **Please, please review.


	5. Chapter 5: Angst and a Dare

Typical Disclaimers Apply

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **Don't mind the angst. It'll go away if you give it a cookie. Italicized words are characters' inner thoughts.

--

_God I'm so fucking stupid!_ Esme thought, pulling a hand through her dark hair._ Now Sev knows I'm unsure and he's going to tell Sirius just to spite me. Bastard. God, he's such a fake! I can't believe him, with all his "loved ones are replaceable" crap. You'd swear that man's never felt any emotion other than cold disdain in his entire fucking life! _

Esme sat at the edge of the lake, her robes billowing around her. The sky was an ever-darkening grey and the wind was kicking up. Every so often a wave would break over the shore and she'd be hit with a spray of water.

_And what the hell did he mean by "her"? Is there some lesbian love affair going on? Is he going to tell the woman just so she can confront the man and ruin the relationship? Sounds like something he'd do. _She smirked. _God he's heartless. _

Then she began thinking about his kind eyes: the softness behind them when he said he'd tell her, whoever she was. She thought about how he'd smiled a little and how he'd made her see that sacrificing pigs was simply a bad idea. She thought about how he'd made her see how important Sirius was to her and how stupid she'd been without making her feel bad about herself.

_Sirius could never do that. _The thought surprised her and filled her with an overwhelming sadness that seemed to crush every bit of happiness left in her heart. _He would never even try. _

"Hey." She heard someone say softly. Standing behind her was Sirius, clutching a bouquet of half-dead flowers.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. How'd you find me?"

"Snape. He said you ran out here instead of going to dinner."

"Oh."

"It's cold out. You should come inside."

"Yeah, I guess I should." Sirius reached out to touch her hand, but she turned. And she pulled away.

And then she left.

--

"Professor Flitwick? Professor Flitwick!" Sirius rushed into the Charms classroom, shouting Flitwick's name. The small man jumped and looked at Sirius, somewhat shocked.

"Yes, yes my boy!" he cried. "What is it you need?"

"Professor Flitwick, you know more about romance than any other person in this entire school, so I need your help," he begged. You see, I just had a fight with Esmeralda, and she's still really mad at me, but she's not being mad like a normal person and just yelling at me. Instead she's being completely distant and I don't know what to do to win her back!"

"Ah yes," Flitwick said thoughtfully, "you really have fucked up this time. I think it will take more than me and my Charms to, as you say, 'win her back.'" He picked up a large conch shell that had mysteriously appeared on the floor and blew into it.

"What the hell?" Sirius cried, covering his ears.

"Hmm, I forgot you were new. Every professor here has a small chip implanted in their brain while they sleep. It's what allows them to hear special signals like the one I just sent out. Fortunately, the only exception is your wife, who is too young to have the chip put in without causing damage."

"You altered my brain while I was asleep?"

"Oh get used to it, Sirius," Dumbledore said, striding into the room. "We've been poisoning your food just a bit ever since you were fifteen."

"What?"

"So what seems to be the problem?" McGonagall, who had just appeared with Snape, inquired.

"I seem to have destroyed my relationship," Sirius said miserably.

"We expected as much," she said wisely, nodding at Dumbledore.

"Well," Dumbledore said brightly, "we know that there's only one way to save a relationship, and that's through a wild, unnecessary party!" Sirius looked at him, mortified.

"And isn't your ten-month anniversary coming up?" Snape said silkily, winning an approving glance from Dumbledore.

"Well we don't typically celebrate—"

"Well you should! She must know she's loved!" Everyone stared at Slughorn. "Well she does!"

"Yes, she does. Now, as we prepare for this wild party, someone will need to distract Esme for the next two weeks while keeping the secret from her. You're a good secret keeper, aren't you Severus?"

"Of course, Headmaster. I'm absolutely wonderful."

--

"Hey. For the next two weeks I'm supposed to keep you busy so you don't realize you're husband's throwing you a ridiculously expensive please-forgive-me party," Snape said plainly as he walked into the Potions dungeon. Esme stared at him.

"Are you getting paid for this?"

"No."

"Then why are you doing it?"

He sighed, "Your husband knows he's done wrong and is trying to fix it. Though I don't like him, I do like you, and I want you to be happy. Therefore, I must act like I'm hiding something from you when we're out in public."

"Cool. But Sirius doesn't have to throw me a party every time he screws up. I'm not sure if he remembers all the time, but we're _married, _and I'm not going to divorce him over a silly little fight."

"He feels bad. You're getting free stuff. Don't complain."

"Oh, right, I forgot I'm rooming with mister 'let's exploit people's emotions for our own gain.'"

"Damn straight. Just like you're little miss 'let's randomly change my moods throughout the week to fuck with my husband's and roommate's minds.'"

"Yeah, about that, well, you know, Dumbledore told me to cheer up…"

--

_Two hours ago…_

"Hello Esme!" Dumbledore said cheerfully as he walked past her in the hall.

"Hello sir," she responded bleakly.

"Stop angsting Esmeralda, it doesn't suit you."

"Yes sir!"

--

"I do what Dumbledore says," she said simply.

"Mindless sheep."

"Greasy boy!"

--

"Oh, Professor Black! There's something you just _must _see!" Esme looked up tiredly at the first year Gryffindor who'd just burst into her office. This had been happening for the past week-and-a-half: she'd be working quietly (for once) and someone would burst into her office, claiming she just _had _to see something. Typically it was a room full of roses, all from Sirius, or a brilliant gold pendant. She was actually quite pleased with the gifts, though she didn't let on in front of the children.

"Alright, I'm coming." The young girl led her down the halls and into a small foyer area before the Great Hall. The foyer had a few couches in it, but it wasn't well decorated so no one really spent time there.

That's why Esme was so surprised to see the large crowd gathered in front of one of the walls.

"It's her!"

"Move aside, let her through!" The students parted and made a pathway open enough for Esme to walk through.

"Oh my God." Hanging on the wall was the wedding portrait. Framed in gold, it showed the two of them just holding hands and smiling at each other. The portrait-Esme caught the real-Esme's eye and winked at her. She felt a warm squeeze on her hand.

"Remembering the good times?" Sirius whispered in her ear.

"The times are still good. One of my students lit themselves on fire during class yesterday. We were reading from a text book."

"I'm going to take the road less traveled and just not say anything, hoping that it will make all the difference."

"Say, are you still working with Snape?"

"Yes…"

"What if I were to give you a little dare…"

"I'm not sure where this is going, but I beg you to continue."

--


	6. Chapter 6: The Party

**Typical Disclaimers Apply, also, I don't own "Zorro."**

**--**

"Hey I heard screa—Bloody hell!" Esme wandered into the Defense Against the Dark Arts room to see Snape looking smug, Sirius looking burned, and a bunch of sixth years looking frightened.

"Yeah…I'm blaming you for this, love."

"You didn't have to accept my dare."

"_He did this on a dare?!"_ Snape screeched.

--

_Earlier…_

"Today we will be working on—"

"AHA!" Sirius leapt out of a cabinet and onto the desk behind Snape, knocking over a great amount of books in the process. He pulled out a black leather glove and smacked Snape across the face with it.

"What the hell?!" yelled Snape.

"You have offended my honor! And also probably my wife's honor! I challenge thee to a duel!"

"Are you out of your mind?!"

"Duel or surrender, coward!"

"Fine, whatever." He whipped out his wand, and with a silent swish of his hand, promptly lit Sirius on fire. The student watched, completely aghast.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Now, onto today's lesson."

--

"Then you came in." Snape finished his story, smiling arrogantly.

"You know, lovely, when I said 'pick a public fight with Severus' I didn't mean a fight that could very possibly get you killed," Esme said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, darling, you should have known that I never take the high road when it comes to these things."

"You don't take the high road when it comes to _anything._"

--

"Surprise!" Every professor, excluding Sirius, who had led Esme into the party, leapt out and into view.

"Happy anniversary," Sirius whispered.

"Oh, you didn't have to do this."

"Yeah I did."

"No, really," she said, taking in the decorations: pink clouds fell from the ceiling, angry cupids zoomed about, rainbows stretched from wall-to-wall, and sheep hovered in the background; it looked like they'd wandered into a Disney cartoon full of half-drunk teachers, "you didn't. Who did the décor?"

"Snape."

"This contributes to my 'Sevvie and Lupin will one day realize their sexuality and get married' idea."

"I'm right behind you." Esme nearly jumped a foot in the air at the sound of Snape's icy voice.

"Hello Severus! Lovely decorations!" she squeaked.

"They were Flitwick's idea," he sighed. "Fortunately, his ideas also included a bar. Care to go get drunk?"

"Good gods yes."

"You know," Snape said slowly, looking her over, "you don't seem too pleased with this party." Esme didn't even try to feign a look of innocence.

"I said I wanted a moon-bounce. Where's my moon-bounce? And also why aren't there students doing slave labor here? I told you, Severus, if anyone's going to be enslaved for the purpose of throwing me a party," she said, downing the glass of wine Snape had just handed her, "it's got to be the kids in detention. And another thing…"

A few hours and many drinks later…

"You know what your problem is?" Slughorn slurred over what had to be his seventh glass of Firewhiskey. How the hell was he still standing? The world may never know. Esme certainly didn't. The older professors (everyone except Esme, Sirius and Snape) had practically been chugging down the vile liquid since the "party" had started. Sirius didn't drink ("Brings back bad memories"), Snape had one glass before leaving to vomit for awhile, and ever since the wild parties of her seventh year, Esme was able to hold five goblets of Firewhiskey with barely a change in personality.

"What?" Esme said, mildly curious. People had been giving her relationship "advice" all night. She thought she might vomit once she heard McGonagall say "Furry knickers."

"Close quarters. You're all stuffed in a tiny room an' you've got no room or privacy to do anything!" Slughorn said, as wisely as he could while he attempted to sustain his balance.

"Well, we were hoping that our old room would be fixed sometime in the future." She looked at Dumbledore, "Seriously, how long could a random flash-flood last?"

"It turned into snow!" he sang. Esme hadn't seen him touch the drink throughout the entire party, but he still seemed as drunk as the rest of them. Maybe it was his naturally drunk disposition.

"Well, that's all well and good, but I propose that whichever one you're _not _married to move in with me and be _my _roommate!" Snape's face turned an interesting greenish color. The goblet of water he was holding slipped from his palm and onto the floor.

"Excuse me?" he barely whispered.

"Ah, yes! She's not married to you! Is she? I can never keep track." Snape shook his head limply. "Oh, I have always wanted a roommate! We can stay up late and tell stories of the girls we, ahem, 'knew' during school."

"You taught the girls I knew during school!" he protested.

"Pfft," Esme snorted. "You taught my friends during school and I still tell you stories about their sex lives."

"In great detail…" Snape muttered.

"At three in the morning…" Sirius muttered back.

"Well, I think I change in sleeping arrangements would be great!" Esme bubbled. "It'd be nice to have someplace to, er,_ grade papers_, rather than random closets and your desk." Snape stared at her, looking, if possible, even _more_ horrified.

"Wow, I'm going to have to go vomit…again."

­--

"I thought drunken promises weren't grounds for kicking me out of my own room," Snape protested as Esme flung a light brown trunk at him. It seemed she was kicking him out.

"No, see, if you'd looked at the Gryffindor girls' charter of 1992, you'd see that promises made while inebriated are to be upheld, even of it comes to apparating to Las Vegas and getting married in a Muggle chapel."

"Well, that shut me up," he said, packing his clothes into the old trunk. Esme looked about the old room.

"You've had this room for ages, haven't you?"

"Fourteen years."

"I feel bad about making you leave."

"You and your husband deserve privacy. And I will make you buy me a new desk, even if it costs you your last knut."

"We don't have any money, but you can take some of Sirius's clothes, if you so desire. Ooh! Or you can have one of my brothers! Haven't you always wanted a red-haired slave to do all of your bidding?"

"Can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind," he muttered. "Seriously though, I hope everything works out between you and him."

"It will. Anyway, you and I are still going to see each other."

"Barely. Is it too much to accept that I'm worried and will miss you?" He smiled gently at her. His long black hair looked a little bit grayer around the temples, though it did seem less greasy. Esme realized with a shock that Snape was getting old. Like forty.

"Bah. It's not like some Death Eater's going to leap out from behind the curtains and eat me."

"You never know," he sang. Esme sauntered over to the window where thick, green curtains hung, and kicked straight into them.

"What the fuck, bitch?!" A squeaky voice cried out from behind the curtains. "Can't Farmy clean curtains in peace?!" Snape and Esme stared at the curtains in shock.

"Um, sorry, elf…thing," Esme apologized. A greenish house elf stumbled out from behind the curtain.

"Farmy always tries to clean. Always! But no, he is constantly interrupted by kicks to the abdomen and head!" The squat elf waddled out of the room, muttering obscenities. Snape stared in disbelief.

"Never in my life have I seen such disrespect from an elf!"

"Yeah," Esme drawled proudly, "I taught him all he knows." Snape shook his head.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

--

**A/N: **PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me so happy and at times gets me to update faster!


	7. Chapter 7: Significant Other

Typical Disclaimers Apply

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **Dear readers, before I say this, please remember that I'm not complaining or threatening, but rather begging on hands and knees. I've noticed that, for my last few chapters, I've received no reviews. ZERO!! Which makes me somewhat sad. And I know I do actually have at least a dozen readers (and you're awesome, because you put up with me) so it would be really, really nice if you could maybe just click the little button in the corner? Please? For Snape? It doesn't even have to be a nice review; it can be along the lines of "This story's terrible. It's full of angst." But really, I don't know how much longer I can write without getting some sort of feedback.

On that note, whoever reviews this chapter will get the entire fifth story, _Teacher's Guide to Dictatorship Rebellions _dedicated to them.

--

"I feel as though we should be worried," Sirius said plaintively, looking up from his book suddenly.

"Is this about that girl who got possessed by a necklace?" Esme smiled kindly at her husband.

"Well, no. I'm more worried about Mundungus stealing priceless heirlooms that are still legally _mine _and selling them on the street. I mean, I didn't go to the Grimmauld Place for _one _summer…" he trailed off, looking angry.

"Oooh, I see," Esme said, nodding sagely. This is a territory issue."

"I'm uncomfortable with thieves therefore I have 'territory issues'?" Sirius snapped.

"Yes," Esme said, placing her hands in front of her in prayer position. Sirius grinned.

"That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"Yes it does," she said peacefully. "You couldn't give a shit about whatever he's selling. Last year you were ready to throw it in the trash. Mundungus, who is constantly broke, is probably just selling it so he can eat this week. You, on the other hand, would have let that junk collect dust while you lived a comfortable life in the castle."

"You're alarmingly optimistic."

"_And _I'm always right."

"You do realize that he's probably selling my family heirlooms to feed his addictions, right?"

"Again, as the wife, I am always right, or you go back to sharing a room with Slughorn and Sev."

"If I just stop talking, will you stop responding with threats?"

"Wonderful. It learns."

--

"Soooo, are we just being polite, or is someone finally going to bring up Dumbledore's dead hand and the fact that he's completely disappeared from the grounds?" Esme asked, eyeing the empty chair at the Head Table.

"I don't think it's courtesy. I think it's just forgetful writing." Snape and Esme turned to stare at Sirius, who smiled innocently back at them. "Just an idea…"

"Um right," Snape said slowly. "Well, Esme, I feel that we should not ask Dumbledore about his personal life, you know, out of respect."

"Pfft. If men's body parts just randomly shriveled up and died there'd be a hell of a lot more unsatisfied women in this world." She smiled innocently at her husband. "Though I don't include myself in that category…"

"That's okay Esme. I know you'll only keep us around until you decide which one you really want, kill the other one, and then kill the first after you realize that we're not fun unless you're toying with our emotions." Sirius sighed dramatically, "Some days I like to pretend that when you said 'I do' you meant forever. I've stopped drinking since then."

"For such an upbeat, um, bride, you two are a stunningly depressing couple."

"Yeah, I'm thinking of opening up a course for the young ladies of our school. Breaking Boys: It's not a Privilege, it's a Right. Think Dumbledore would approve it?"

"Don't you think you've done enough to traumatize each and every student in this school personally?" Snape massaged his temples dramatically.

"With this school's wonky teaching schedule, I don't think I've even taught, much less _traumatized _all of the students. Ooh! New end-of-year goal!"

--

"You know, I actually miss Ministry infiltration. It was irritating, but it gave us something to talk about. Everything's running too smoothly this year," Esme mused.

"If all goes as planned, they'll be back again next year, and you'll have to people to pull mind-fucks on," Snape said coolly.

"Well, I'm not going to ask any questions, but if anyone shows up at the castle and tries to hurt the children, you'll be dead at my hands."

"Seems appropriate. Care to go watch the Quidditch game?"

"Sure!" Esme giggled. My baby brother's playing today." Snape grinned at her, running his fingers through his greasy, graying hair.

"The one who never wins anything?"

"He won Hermione Granger."

"Ah, yes. Sometimes I forget that, to you, significant others are just cheap trophies."

"Damn straight."

--

"Fly little child, fly!" Esme cheered, cuddled between Sirius and Snape. Gryffindor was beating Slytherin and Ron was actually performing well. He'd already saved four goals. Esme was enthralled, but Snape seemed strangely apathetic. Well not strangely, more like characteristically. However, Esme's cheering regime was rudely interrupted by Hermione.

"Professor Black, I have horrible, horrible news!" she shrieked, her face flushed and sweaty. Esme turned and looked at her, arching an eyebrow.

"If it's about Harry, we probably already know."

"No! It's about Ron!"

"Ron?" Esme gasped. "But he's the one brother I care about!"

"I know! I think Harry slipped him some Felix Felicis so he'd win the game!"

"Oh, is that all? Well, I have no ethics whatsoever; therefore I'm not the best person to tell. Talk to Severus."

"Not caring," Snape said flippantly from his seat.

"I wouldn't worry, child," said Esme as she reached up and patted Hermione on the head. "If Ron gets in trouble, he probably won't get tried as an adult." Hermione glared at her.

"You know, you've always been the greatest source of comfort."

"I try."

--

"We've been invited to Slughorn's party tonight," Sirius said flatly. "Should we go?"

"I have to," Esme moaned. "He's been boasting about it for over a month. I promised I'd go just to get him to shut up." Even with Esme's Dark background, Slughorn had still taken a shine to her. It might've been because she just happened to let slip she was a "distant" relative of Harry's.

"Have fun," Sirius said, with a somewhat wicked grin.

"Oh no. You're not getting away that easily. You're my _date._ Now put some nice robes on."

"You know," Sirius smirked while he got dressed, "I've been to some of Slughorn's parties. He's just going to gloat about his old students and about how he 'taught them all they know.'"

"Fun. Does he realize that you were one of his best, but now you're just a lowly teacher?"

"He'll gloat about how, with his training, I was able to marry a daughter of political power."

"He trained you how to be spongy and spineless?"

"No. That was mostly good old Mum and prison."

--

"This is _boring_," Esme whined.

"We could go tease the vampire," Sirius mused. "You look rather edible." He smiled at his wife, who was wearing soft, green robes with holly stitched around the cuffs. She was beginning to regret wearing anything flattering.

"I'd rather not."

"We could get drunk…"

"Not in front of the students," she snapped.

"It's nothing we haven't seen before," giggled a group of fifth years behind her.

"Right," she said slowly. "Oh look. Slughorn's calling us over. Ciao for now, girls." The couple rushed over to the spot where Slughorn, Snape, Luna Lovegood, and Harry were standing about uncomfortably. "You summoned?"

"Yes. You've met Harry Potter, I assume?" His heavy mustache twitched, along with Sirius' eye.

"I'm his godfather," he said tightly.

"I'm his half-sister! His father had a fling with my mum, the daughter of the most evil man in French history, when they were young."

"Oh," Slughorn said awkwardly. "You—you didn't tell me that."

"The Dark Lord Voldemort is my legal godfather!"

"Oh."

"I was raised by Death Eaters!"

"How come you waited until now to tell me all this?"

"Seemed like the right time."

"Yes, well, we were just talking about what a wonderful—HIC—student Harry is."

"Really? I hadn't noticed. He always seemed to busy staring at…things…"

"Harry's studying to be an Auror!" Slughorn boasted.

"Oh look! Filch is dragging some poor student by the earlobe!" Slughorn ran off to deal with this, releasing Snape from his grip.

"_Thank you," _he mouthed.

"No really," Esme said, gesturing towards the back of the room, "it's a mini-Malfoy. One of my many brothers."

"You know, Professor Black," Luna said cheerfully, "have you ever wondered whether or not you have too many families?"

"No, Luna. I think three is just the right amount. If all of my siblings die before me, I get all three inheritances!"

"You don't see this as unethical?" Harry said nervously. While everyone else was talking about how much money Esme would eventually inherit from James, the Malfoys, and the Weasleys, Snape managed to slip away after Draco.

"…but I really think it's best if you simply buy off Voldemort with your inheritance. He's getting pretty old; he probably just wants to retire in comfort—Esme?" Sirius asked, watching her stare off into the distance.

"Did anyone see where Sev went?"

"He went after Draco," Luna said dreamily. "Neither of them looked very healthy. I hope a Lorgan Gampick isn't infecting them."

"Siri, stay here. I've got to go." She rushed after them; Harry at her heels. She stepped out into the dark hallway and hissed, "Stay back Harry!" She was about to say more but stopped when she heard voices.

"_I'm risking my life for you! Do you understand that?" _She recognized the voice as Snape's.

"_I understand!" _That was Draco. _"But I don't understand _why! _Can't you just leave it to me? Can't you just leave and let me do it on my own!"_

"_I promised your mother I'd protect you! Do you understand the power of the Unbreakable Vow?" _The voices were coming closer.

"_Harry—get back in the party now, or I swear I'll suspend you!" _Esme hissed.

"_Fine, I'll go. But tell me _everything!"

"_Just go!"_

"_I have a plan!" _That was Draco again.

"_Does it involve getting expelled? That's certainly what it looks like you were trying to do tonight!" _Esme knew this was the right time to turn and run. She knew it. However, being Esme, she couldn't leave until she knew exactly what was going on.

"_Maybe if you just let me be with Crabbe and Goyle I could finish him off without your help!"_ If they were to light a candle, they could have easily seen Esme standing there.

"_Get back to the party, Draco."_ Snape reached for the door, but instead of grasping the handle, he caught a handful of Esme's robes. "Well," he said dangerously. Esme could hear Draco run back down the hall and into the night. "What have we here?"

--

**A/N: **Pretty please review with sugar on top! And, for everyone who didn't get turned off by my rant, quotes from the next story! (Not necessarily quotes of people talking…)

:-:-:-:

"Then she spat in his face."

:-:-:-:

"You told them I was dead?"

:-:-:-:

"Bellatrix, darling, you're the devil!"

:-:-:-:

"…and then Esme slapped her as hard as she could."


	8. Chapter 8: In the Corridor

Typical Disclaimers Apply…blah blah blah

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **Props, House points, and dedications to Azrulai, Meena, and Souless-Tears for reviewing chapter seven, and RadicalReason, for reviewing chapter six. You'll all get a chunk of chapters in _Teacher's Guide to Dictatorship Rebellion, _which I think is going to average in at twenty-eight chappies, so it'll be even (halfway through summer and I can still do basic math…this is bad). And, to anyone who's reading the prequel to these stories, _Kill Gilderoy Vol. 1, _it is unfinished, and I'm not sure whether or not I'll keep writing it. The first chapters are okay but the last few kind of suck.

On another note, it disturbs me that I've not found a good place in any story where Esme may light Snape on fire.

--

"It seems someone's been meddling where she should not meddle," Snape said icily. His fingers closed very tightly around Esme's robes. His black eyes flickered with malice.

"You won't get away with this!" Esme snarled. Her eyes flicked from his wand to his dangerous leer. She could feel her heart beating in her ears and the party food rising in her stomach.

"Do you even know what I won't get away with?" Snape said silkily, a tiny smile playing on his lips. He'd dragged her down the dark corridor with a hand pressed over her mouth. If it hadn't been so heart-stoppingly terrifying, it would have been somewhat romantic…in a way.

"No!" she shouted. The sound rang through the corridor and Snape went temporarily white, checking to see if someone had heard. But the halls were completely empty; everyone out past curfew was at Slughorn's party. "But whatever it is, you're not getting away with it!"

"Esme, Esme, Esme," he snarled. She flinched every time he said her name. "How do you know that I'm not doing something for the greater good of mankind?"

"Because you're conspiring with a Malfoy. Nothing good can come of conspiring with a Malfoy."

"Weren't you—ahem—_raised _by Malfoys?" He arched an eyebrow skyward and his mouth twisted into a grin. Esme's palms began to sweat.

"Yes, and it gave me the ability to smell evil a mile away. You two talked about killing someone," she raised her eyebrows. "That seems a bit evil."

"We'll probably kill many people," he said sardonically. "You'll probably be one of them, now that you know." _SHIT! That did _not _come out right! _"I mean…."

"What exactly are you saying?" For once she sounded frightened. Snape looked her over, his eyes sad.

"I don't know, but I really wish I didn't just say it," he sighed. "Look—"

"Who are you going to kill?" Her voice echoed off the cold stone walls, causing Snape to flinch.

"Not so loud, okay?"

"Draco said 'finish him off.' Who is he? Harry? Slughorn? Dumbledore?" Snape's eyes widened and he gasped before he could stop himself.

"Esmeralda Genevieve Black, I suggest you stop right there. You know nothing, Esme. _Nothing._" He pressed his wand to her throat. She looked down at it coolly.

"Your powers of persuasion are interesting."

"This isn't persuasion. I am full-on threatening you, Black. If you breathe a word of this I will not allow you or your husband to live for more than twenty-four hours. _Do you understand me_?" Esme understood perfectly. She also understood that really, when it comes down to a situation where your life is being threatened by a very close friend of yours, who also happens to be of the opposite sex, there's only one thing you can do.

"Why are you doing this?" she sobbed, crumpling onto the floor. "It's not fair! You can't do this to me!" Snape looked down at her, horrified.

"Esme, no! No! Crying is blackmail," he turned away. "I refuse to give in. It's just not happening. I'm not dealing with you like this."

"You're so…I can't even believe you!" she wept, burying her face in her palms. "I thought you were my-my friend," she collapsed, her head dropping into her arms. "I'm so scared…"

"Esme…" she could hear him breaking. "I'm…"

"Sorry?" She leapt up; all traces of tears gone. In one swift movement she had him pinned up against the wall, her wand at the back of his neck. "Now, you _will _tell me exactly what is going on."

"You little bitch!" He swung around quickly, his arms hitting Esme hard in the stomach. Her eyes widened, but she had no time to scream before her body hit the stone wall with a sickening crack, and slid to the floor. Her head fell to one side. "Esme?"

--

Snape and Sirius sat in near-silence right outside the Hospital Wing. "You're sure you just 'found her lying there'?" Sirius said through clenched teeth.

"Absolutely." He stared straight ahead, but he could feel Sirius' eyes on him.

"Even though she'd gone out to find you and you'd both been gone for nearly an hour?"

"…Yes."

"Even though students heard you two arguing in the halls?" That was a lie, and Snape knew it. A Ravenclaw would have stuck around to watch, and would have told the whole story. A Slytherin wouldn't have told Sirius at all. A Gryffindor would have jumped in the moment Esme seemed threatened. A Hufflepuff wouldn't have been there.

"Did they now?" he asked lightly. "Perhaps they were hearing her with someone else."

"What, exactly, are you implying?"

"Nothing. Just that it's not easy for a young woman to_ naturally_ get slammed into a wall."

"And yet you seem to know the details of what happened and I have an alibi," he snarled, his voice rising. "Funny how things work out."

"I think that now's about the time to stop beating around the bush, Black. If you have something to say, then say it."

"Alright, here goes," he snapped sardonically. "About an hour before she was found critically wounded, my wife ran after you when you disappeared. Sources tell me that you were with Draco Malfoy, the child of two notorious Death Eaters. Now, I can only assume that something _evil _was discussed between you two, but I know that sometime after Esme disappeared, Malfoy was seen sprinting down the hall, looking scared for his life and refusing to speak to anyone. Neither you nor Esme returned to the party and she was found looking like she'd been beaten and left to die." He swallowed, "Of course, it's total coincidence that the man who she went after happened to find her and saved her life. Now, either this was done by someone who she'd recently been with, or there's some monster randomly slamming our female professors against walls and everyone should be warned. What do you think?"

"The latter sounds quite probable!"

"_Listen well Snape,_" he growled menacingly. "I put up with the way you treat my godson. I put up with the random acts of hatred toward the Gryffindor students. I put up with your history of being a little snot towards my friends and me. I put up with the fact that you're a bitter old man trapped in a young man's body and that your only desire is to make everyone in the entire world as miserable as you. Hell, I even put up with the fact that it's your bloody fault that my best friend, _Esme's father, _and his wife were killed because of you and your treachery, and that, because of it, I spent twelve years in Hell.

"And why? Why would I ever put up with a person like you? Well, let me tell you: The love of my life seems to think that you're a good guy. I don't have any idea why, but she seems to like you, and I'm not cruel enough to disenchant her. In fact, I think it's a good thing that she has friends who aren't _completely _insane. But you hurt her. I don't have any proof that it was you except for the fact that I know you and I know you'd hurt someone as sweet as Esme purely out of spite. I swear, by Merlin, if she makes it out of here, if you haven't _killed _her, I will make sure that if you ever touch her again; your life will end swiftly. Understand me?"

However, his response was stopped by Madam Pomfrey. She stepped out of the infirmary; a grim look on her face. "Sirius…."

--


	9. Chapter 9: Pale Green Robes

Typical Disclaimers Apply

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews!

--

_About ten minutes earlier…_

Esme woke up with a throbbing in her shoulder and a brutal headache. Had she been drinking the night before? It wouldn't be a surprise; really, it was the end of term. She opened her eyes tentatively.

The room was white. Well, at least everything she could see was. It was like she was lying under a very bright white light. That meant that she had either died, and this was heaven (it wasn't like she'd done anything _that _bad in her lifetime), or she was on some sort of operating table and had awoken during surgery. Both were very bad prospects.

"Oh, you're awake!" gasped someone from out of her line of sight. "You had a rather nasty bump on the head, dear."

_Where the hell am I? _she tried to ask. It came out sounding like, "Nnngh."

"Ah yes," the woman said, rushing in front of Esme. Her eyes focused in on Madam Pomfrey, Queen of the Infirmary. Well, if she'd died, at least she'd taken someone down with her. Someone holding a cup of steaming, foul-smelling liquid. "Drink up, dear."

She pushed the cup to Esme's lips, forcing her to drink. Oh, God, it tasted like death and hate blended together in a bowl made of hair products. She swallowed painfully, trying to ignore the fact that her esophagus was making a valiant attempt to leap out her mouth.

"What happened?" she sputtered.

"You were attacked, rather brutally. And not by magic either, as it looks. Someone must have caught you just before the party ended."

"Party?" asked Esme blankly.

"Oh, dear, you really don't remember a thing, do you?" A pang of fear shot through Esme's stomach as she shook her head. "Slughorn's party, dear. Severus said you left a little early. That must have been when you got attacked," she said sympathetically.

Esme scrutinized her as well as she could, she was beginning to feel rather tired. "What does Severus have to do with anything?"

"Why he's the one who rescued you!"

"Oh," Esme said, her pang of fear being quickly replaced by a little bubble of joy.

"Now that you're awake I'd better go get them." She smiled as ruefully as an old woman could, "He and Sirius have been waiting out there all night."

--

"Sirius…" she began. All color left in either man's face disappeared. Sirius sank slowly into his chair. But then, like a miracle, Madam Pomfrey smiled just a little. "She's had a bit of a rough night, but she'll pull through." Her smile faded, "There weren't any broken bones, but something hit the back of her head pretty hard. She doesn't remember the night whatsoever." She shook her head sadly.

"Can I go see her?" Sirius asked.

"You both may see her." Sirius pushed past Snape and into the infirmary Esme was sitting in bed, propped up by pillows. Fortunately, unlike the last time Snape put her in the infirmary, she was not wielding a large knife. Instead she looked frail and innocent in the thin nightgown.

"Hey love," she said softly.

"Oh Esme I was so worried; I thought you died! Who did this to you?"

"You thought I died?"

"Well, yes! You looked like someone had hit you with a car!"

"But she said I only had a concussion…"

"Well, yes…"

"Siri, I don't even have any bruises." She smiled to herself, thinking _I have got the greatest husband in the entire world, even if he's not all that bright._

"I was very worried, okay! There was quite a lot of blood!" he paused, cringing at his own words. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell. God knows you've been through enough today. Esme, who did this to you?"

Her eyes flickered to Snape for a sharp and painful moment, but then she turned back to Sirius and shook her head. "I don't remember anything at all." She closed her eyes and rolled over. "Please just get some rest, love. I'll be fine." Both men turned to leave, but she grabbed onto Snape's robes. "Please, stay."

He turned, "Esme…"

She smiled brightly at him. "Madam Pomfrey said you were the one who found me. She didn't look too happy about it though." She looked at him quizzically.

"Yeah, well…You don't remember anything?" Snape looked around nervously, seemingly unable to meet her eyes.

"Um, well, there were a couple of things, but they didn't seem important…"

"What were they?" he asked quickly. His voice was soft but his eyes had turned fearful. He still couldn't look at her.

"I remember getting ready for a party."

"Slughorn's party?"

"Yeah! And Sirius told me not to wear my new three-inch heels because I'd be uncomfortable." She looked at her bare feet. "Did I wear them?"

"I don't know," he said quickly. "Is there anything else you remember?"

"I…I left the party, I think. I don't remember why." She laughed a bit, "I must have had too much to drink!" Snape looked at her strangely. "What?"

"Is that all you can remember?"

"No." She looked at him hard, "I think someone was threatening me. Severus, why did someone threaten me?"

"I don't know," he said quickly, his eyes wide.

"But you must have seen something! Who was there? Who hurt me?" she yelled. Madam Pomfrey came bustling over.

"I think that's enough socializing for the day, Esme. Severus," she nodded curtly at him as she closed Esme's bed hangings. He turned to go. "Wait," she said hastily.

"Yes?"

"Her husband forgot these," she handed him a stack of clothing. "These were the clothes she was wearing when you brought her in. I'm sure she'd like them back," she added with a wan smile. Snape took the clothes gingerly.

On the top of the pile rested the same pale green dress robes, with the tiny bloodstain on the collar.

--

"Tra la la la la! I get to visit my family who I miss so much!" Esme sang, well, screeched as she packed her suitcase.

"Esme, darling, as much as I hate to contradict you, don't you think it would be wise to wait a few more days before we left? I mean, it's only been three days since your—ahem—'accident.'" Sirius looked at her anxiously.

"I know, I know. But I want to see my family! Haven't you ever felt that longing for the people who raised you after you've been away for several…oh, right." Sirius arched an eyebrow and smirked. "Well, it will be your first Christmas as an actual, factual part of my family."

"Ah yes, speaking of, what do you want to do for our anniversary?"

"I don't really know. Most of the things that I'd really like to do would require the money that we're both entitled to, but are not allowed to have."

"God bless this _interesting_ government in which we live."

"You'd swear they'd give me my family gold, just to spite good old dead Gramps."

"No, they don't want us to start getting uppity and think we're real people."

"Ah yes, I forgot about the 'until you sell your soul you are a seventh-class citizen' clause. Now, get packing so we can head to Mum's and get berated about how skinny we are and how we've yet to bear her any grandchildren."

--

"But honestly Esmeralda, it's been an entire year! Your father and I conceived Bill within the first two months!" Molly said, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

"MOTHER!" Bill gasped from his spot by the counter. Esme, Bill, George and Molly had gathered together to make dinner while everyone else rested in the living room.

"Yes, I suppose I am behind the rest of my family," Esme mused. "I mean Cosette was pregnant with me before she even knew dear old Dad's last name."

"ESMERALDA!" Molly cried, looking horrified.

"Sirius and I aren't ready for kids. We can barely take care of each other. Anyway, I think Sirius has been left sterile after a dozen years in prison," she said loudly.

"ESME!" Sirius yelped from the sitting room.

"Well it's probably true!" she yelled back.

Molly cleared her throat loudly. "Perhaps we should talk about something else. George, love, how is business going?"

"Hey, wait a moment, wasn't Esme just in the Hospital Wing? She hasn't said a thing about that." He caught his mother's hawkish glare. "And it's going well, Mum."

"Speaking of mysterious accidents," Esme quipped, "Severus doesn't have anyone to celebrate Christmas with. Would it be alright if her were to, you know, spend it with us?"

"Are you out of your—?"

"Of course dear," Molly said cheerfully, shooting daggers at George. "Just remember that Remus is coming and those two aren't always on the best of terms."

"That's putting it gently," Sirius muttered, walking into the room. "So _he's _coming for dinner?"

"Yes," Esme said tensely, "he is. And I expect you to be civil. He's not celebrated a proper Christmas since he was twelve years old."

"And if I'm not?"

"Well then, I'll simply be forced to kill you in your sleep."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh that slowly trailed off as Esme's expression stayed cool and calm. "That's not an idle threat, is it?"

--


	10. Chapter 10: Pink

Typical Disclaimers Apply

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

--

"….and that's when I told him, 'But you seem really limber. Why don't you just suck it yourself?' And that's how I got kicked off the dance team for the _second_ time. Now the third time I…"

"Esme, darling, as much as I absolutely _adore_ the tales of your adolescence, I don't think they're quite appropriate for Christmas tea." Sirius interrupted, smiling as everyone else gaped at his wife. An awkward silence followed, only broken by a rap at the door.

"Eek! That'd be Sev! I'll get it!" Esme bounced out of her seat and towards the door. "State your name!"

"I am Severus Tobias Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"And I am Remus John Lupin. A werewolf."

"Fabulous. Here's one for each of you—Sev, where was I born? And Remus, darling, what was your toast at my wedding?"

"Alsace, France," Snape said firmly. Remus, however, seemed less willing to answer.

"They already heard it once, Esme!" he protested.

"Say it or I'll be forced to kill you both!" Esme sang. Snape glared at him.

"Fine…I sang Whitney Houston's theme from _The Bodyguard._"

"Wonderful. I graciously welcome you both into my home." She swung the door open into their faces. Pulling away, she could see ice clinging to the goatee-thing Snape had been growing.

"Merry Christmas," he muttered, shuffling in. "I brought wine."

"Ooh, wine!" Esme giggled. "Come on in, Remus. You know, I invited Tonks, but, _for some reason, _she didn't want to come!" Her words turned poisonous, "Can you imagine why?"

"When are you going to drop this?"

"Never. Not even if you marry her."

"Well, that's a great incentive for me to, you know, stop surrounding myself with your unpleasant….pleasantness." He stared at Sirius who grinned goofily.

"But the trouble is that, because I am so wonderful, you simply cannot quit me. I'm like a drug except I'm more expensive."

"It's true," Sirius said from the table.

"What can I do to get you to stop bugging me? Does it have to go down to physical tactics?"

"Even if it did, I'd still win. I can withstand any sexual advances; I am married to the most handsome wizard in the world."

"Yes, yes you are."

"And I think I proved that I can hold my own when it comes to Muggle-style fighting. I fought Bellatrix, and she's a hell of a lot scarier than you."

"Why don't we eat," Arthur proposed.

"I don't know," Sirius smirked. "I think a fight between my lycanthropic best friend and my wife."

"Yeah," Fred added, "I mean, she was crazy enough to marry you. You'd think she'd be crazy enough to fight a werewolf."

"Sit. Down. _Now,"_ Molly said firmly. They all sat down instantly. Molly disappeared back into the kitchen. When she returned she was carrying a huge turkey, surrounded by vegetables and stuffing. "Let's serve the guests first."

The entire family, plus Remus and Snape, ate in utter silence for nearly twenty minutes, until George shattered it with a loud belch.

"George!" Molly gasped.

"Zat eez disgusting," Fleur said, wrinkling her nose.

"C'mon, Mum. It's my way of showing gratitude!"

"No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend," Bill muttered to Esme, who was staring out the window.

"Hey—hey Mum look!" She pointed towards the gate. "It's Percy!"

"And I thought this dinner couldn't get any more awkward," Sirius said miserably.

"That's the trouble with 'thinking', Siri, you're not supposed to do it. Ever. Because you're always wrong."

"You always know the perfect thing to say, wife." The door swung open and Percy and an elderly man walked in, brushing snow off of their clothes.

"Hello Mother, family. Happy Christmas," he said abruptly. Fred and George rose, looking near violence.

"You know, this is always how I dreamed I'd spend my first married Christmas: At a table laden with food, surrounded by my family; two of the people I sort of work with; my estranged, obnoxious brother who I haven't seen for over a year; my wonderful husband; and an elderly man!" The man looked at her.

"I am Rufus Scrimgeour, Minister of Magic. I don't believe I've met you."

"I'm Esme Black. I'm short, spunky, and the godchild of the Dark Lord."

"Oh, well then. Ah, I need to speak with Mr. Potter in private."

"Um, fine. Little brother, you have my permission to be taken into the privacy of this old man we just met." As the two left, Molly turned to her son with tears in her eyes.

"Of, Perce, we've been so worried! Where have you been living? Have you been eating?"

"I have a small cot in my office. I eat whatever those above me deem unworthy their taste buds."

"God bless bureaucracy!" Ginny sang as she pelted a dinner roll.

--

Hours passed, and, after Percy and Scrimgeour left, everyone lay by the fire. The snow was no longer a light dusting, but more a large duvet.

"I should probably go," Snape said quietly. He'd been sitting tensely for the entire visit.

"You've somewhere to go, right?" Molly asked, concerned. "You're not just going to a cold house to freeze the night away, are you? The snow's getting awful…"

"Mum…" Bill moaned. George clenched his jaw and Fred clenched his fists. Ron looked from his mother to Esme to Snape and Ginny closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. They could all sense what was coming.

"I'll be fine," Snape said respectfully, eyeing the group. "Thank you for your hospitality."

"Oh, dear, but the snow's so bad, it's not safe to go out. Maybe you and Remus should just stay the night."

"I think that's a fabulous idea!" Esme bubbled. She caught Snape's Is-this-revenge-for-something? look and returned it with her patented Why-yes-indeed-it-is look.

"I don't want to impose…" It was futile.

"Nonsense! We can move Harry and Ron downstairs, and you and Remus can take their room!"

"Honestly, this feels like imposing…." His protests fell on deaf ears.

"I don't know, Sev," Esme said, grinning like a cat about to catch a canary. "You seem to fit in quite well with this family."

"Esme, dear, why don't you show them to their rooms?" Esme leapt up and trotted up the stairs while Snape and Remus trudged after her.

"Why is your mother so nice to me?" Snape muttered, as he finally caught up to her.

"Because crazy runs in the family. Here's your room." She sung open the door to a room approximately the size of a broom closet.

"This is approximately the size of a broom closet," Snape noted.

"Yes, we use it to store linens. And sometimes children. Today we use it to store gentlemen."

"All right then."

"Nightey-night!" she said cheerfully, skipping away. The two men surveyed the room. Two cots stood on opposite sides of the room, about an arm's length away from each other. Each was folded military-style. The whole room looked like a training camp bunk room, except for the small bedside tables that sat past the feet of the beds.  
"It's…cozy."

"You know, Lupin, if you start talking, or doing _anything, _in your sleep, I will not stop at smothering you with your pillow."

"Well, if I wake up dead, at least I'll know why."

--

The night passed somewhat uneventfully. No one was murdered while they slept. No one snuck into anyone else's bed. And, with only one exception, everyone slept peacefully through the night.

"You're up early," Esme whispered as she padded downstairs, still in her pajamas. Snape stood by the door, fully dressed. He was holding a small, wrapped box and looking about anxiously, as though he was torn between staying and leaving.

"Couldn't sleep," Snape said, equally as soft. "New places, y'know?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "I've had the experience. Coffee?"

"No, but thanks," he looked at the door. "Do you think I should just leave now, before everyone wakes up?"

"Definitely not. My mum would be royally pissed if you left without breakfast." Snape smiled wryly but shook his head.

"I should go. It's Christmas. It's a time for family." He looked out at the sparkling blanket of snow.

"Where're you gonna go?" she yawned.

"I have a house, you know," he smiled gently.

"But not a home."

"No," he whispered, "not a home." She stared at him, her innocent, wide blue eyes unblinking. "I should go." He gave her the small wrapped gift.

"No!" she grabbed his wrist. "Please stay."

"Esme…"

"Please! It's not fair for you to spend Christmas alone." He looked at her. He wanted to stay, and he wanted to leave. Most of all, he just wanted to hold her. She looked…scared. There were dark circles under her eyes he hadn't noticed before.

"What are you doing up?" he challenged.

"It's not that early," she whispered.

"Is something bothering you?" She took a breath.

"No," she sighed. "Yes. I still can't remember what happened."

"It's only been a few days," Snape said awkwardly. "And Madam Pomfrey said we shouldn't try and push you."

"Yeah, but, what if…" She inhaled deeply, "What if the persons still there, you know? What if they attack someone else while we're all on holiday? It's like I have all the information Dumbledore needs, but I can't tell him." Snape looked at her, his brow furrowing. "It's not your fault you can't remember," he said firmly.

"I know, but it's still scary," she said emphatically, widening her eyes. "I mean, it could have been _anyone_. What if it was, say, Flitwick? Maybe he's turned to the Dark side or something. It would certainly be easy," she mused, "to have a teacher on the Dark side."

"Right," Snape said quickly. "Well, if it is Flitwick, I promise I shall be valiant and guard you from him with my life." He turned serious, "And I do promise, Esme, I will guard you with my life."

"Aw, you're so sweet," cooed Esme. She'd never seen Snape this kind. "You're always stepping up to look out for people. That's why I love you."

And that was the first time, in many, many years, Severus Snape turned pink.

--


	11. Chapter 11: Drifting

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **Cue montage music!

--

Dumbledore stared deep into Snape's eyes, as though he was searching for something. "So," he whispered, "you're saying that you're absolutely sure you want to go along with the plan?" The corners of his mouth pulled down and his heavy silver eyebrows creased together. Snape glared at him.

"It's not like I have any choice, is it?" he spat. He could feel his anger at Dumbledore bubbling up in his stomach. Couldn't he just accept his choice and move on? "Do this or die, that's what I agreed to." He looked away towards some broken instrument lying on the floor. "Either way I lose Esme."

"Ah," Dumbledore nodded. "So that's what this is about."

"She told me she loved me," he murmured.

"And she won't love you if you're dead. She certainly won't love you if you kill me. In fact, it's likely she'll try to kill you."

"She's not mine to lose," he sighed.

"No," he agreed, "she isn't. Right now you have to focus on the good of the world. If you do this and you stand by the school, you'll be protecting her and her family. One day she'll realize that. If you refuse, and you let the bond kill you, then they'll all be left at the mercy of the Death Eaters. You have to do what's right, Severus."

Snape sighed, "I'd still rather get the girl."

--

"One of your many younger—ahem—'siblings' is in the hospital," Snape said flippantly as he passed Esme in the hall. For a second, her heart stopped.

"_WHAT?" _

"It is our belief that he was poisoned," he said, just as coolly.

"Oh. Well, that's not a huge problem."

"It seems Mr. Potter saved his life."

"_Oh, _we're talking about _Ron? _I figured someone poisoned Harry!"

"Esme, don't you find it curious that your brother's talents in Potions have increased ten-fold since the beginning of the year?"

"Nope."

"Really? Not at all?"

"Uh-uh. I don't even teach the boy. _You, _on the other hand, _do. _By the way, please stop giving my husband third-degree burns."

"He stops getting burns once he learns not to 'challenge me to a duel' in the middle of class.

"But he's a boy, Sevvie! He _doesn't_ learn!"

--

"Esme darling, have you noticed that, ever since I was paired with Snape and you with Slughorn, life has been somewhat, oh, what's the word, calm?" inquired Sirius, one morning between classes.

"Not really," Esme shrugged. "Students are nearly getting killed left and right; Harry keeps coming to me with his suspicions about Snape; Hagrid's moping over a spider; and, I swear to the gods, I walked into the girls' loo yesterday and Draco Malfoy was sitting their _sobbing. _Honestly, can't he sob in his own toilet?"

"I think you're missing the point there…."

"What I'm saying is that something's probably going on, even though we don't know what it is," she said icily.

Sirius stayed quiet for a few minutes. When he spoke, his voice was soft and clear. "Esme? What do you know about what's happening?"

"Me?" She widened her eyes. "I'm just an innocent school teacher. I know nothing."

"Yes, I completely believe that. But seriously, this could endanger your many siblings, and I know that means more inheritance for you but…"

"But nothing. If I find any information I'll tell you. Now, however, I must work on my OWL exam." She flounced away.

"Yes, but now I know you're lying," Sirius muttered.

--

"SNAPE!" Esme cried, bursting into his office. "I have many questions for you!"

"And you're willing to ask me them without drugging me? That's an improvement."

"What gives you the idea I didn't drug you? Anyway, I need to know what's going on."

"Well, not much," he shrugged. You see, it's early April and, while most people are preparing their students for exams, I've barely taught my class a thing due to your husband. Other than that, there's not much you need to know."

"I'm serious, Severus. I want to know what's going on between you and Draco. Harry told me he saw you two together, and I want some answers."

"Tough. You know too much already. You're a major target for about a dozen Death Eaters, and if I tell you any more you'll probably be our number one enemy."

"Well, if I'm going to be a target, I may as well be the number one target."

Snape jumped out of his seat, suddenly angry. "Is this all one big fucking joke to you?! These people are serious Esme! Bellatrix Lestrange wants you dead, and she will stop at _nothing_! Do you hear me? _Nothing._" Esme sat there, stunned.

"They really want to kill me?"

"Probably. But really, who doesn't?"

--

Slowly, Esme and Snape began to drift apart. Realizing that she was teaching a group of students who had to actually prepare for major tests, Esme had begun to teach like a normal teacher. Snape, on the other hand, became more and more anxious whenever he was around, well, anyone. Teachers rarely saw him, and Sirius had taken over most of his classes. This, of course, worried Esme. She still wasn't sure whose side he was on. He hadn't said, "I'm on your side, whatever I do will be for the good of mankind," so she couldn't be sure he was good. But still, he was her friend! In all the years she'd known him he'd seemed morose, angry, sadistic, cold, unfriendly, bitchy, unpleasant…the list goes on, but he'd never seemed outright evil!

This bothered her beyond belief. It felt like they'd stopped talking because of her, but she still couldn't figure out what she'd done!

However, all things changed on a fateful morning in June when Dumbledore announced that he and Harry would be leaving for about a day. Esme hadn't thought twice: Dumbledore had been teaching Harry privately for almost the whole year. Snape, however, slipped outside of the room halfway through the meeting. No one had noticed that he'd left, what with his "I'm going to fade in with the wall" personality of the past few months. Everyone just went on with their classes, feeling only that vague feeling of impending doom that had followed them for nearly two years.

Life was normal until midmorning hit, and, well…

"What the fuck do you mean by 'There are Death Eaters inside the school'?!"

--

**A/N: **Yes, that last line is Esme. Why the quick filler? I want every story except the last one to be under twenty chapters. God only knows how long the DH story's going to be.


	12. Chapter 12: The Battle on the Rooftop

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

--

"I mean what I said," Sirius said softly. "There are Death Eaters on the grounds. The only person who could have brought them here is Snape."

"No," Esme hissed. "It can't be. It must have been a student."

Sirius shook his head, "No kid could have summoned those Death Eaters. There's no way."

"That bastard!" Esme shrieked. "I trusted him! I trusted him with my life!" She paused for a few seconds, breathing hard. "How close are they?"

"They just got through the gates. McGonagall's rallying the teachers to stand and fight while the prefects are getting the kids to their dormitories. But Esme, you know some of them are going to come back. They want to be heroes and they're finally getting their chance."

"How many are out there?"

"At least a hundred."

"Tell the prefects to encourage any students who are of age to fight, and not force anyone over the age of fifteen to stay back."

"Esme—"

"No, Sirius. We need those students; there aren't nearly enough of us to fight them all."

"I won't do it."

"You have to!"

"You don't make the rules!" he yelled.

"Then, then," her eyes suddenly lit up, "summon the Order. Get everyone here that you can. Start with Remus, he may still be in hiding, but try him anyway. He'll get Tonks and Kingsley, we really need them. Then call my Mum." She swallowed, looking pained, "If she knows any of her children are in danger, she'll send fleet after fleet of Order members here."

"Right. Where are you going?"

"I need to have a little chat with Mister Severus Snape."

--

"Snape I will _kill_ you," Esme growled, closing in on him menacingly. He looked at her, shocked.

"All right, but first I have one question for you: Do you know why you're killing me?"

"Yes. Now drop your wand and step at least five feet away from it." She drew her own, pointing it to Snape's neck. "Now, I will make this as painful as possible…"

"Don't you believe, Esmeralda, that perhaps you should be more worried about the hundred Death Eaters that will be inside this school in about fifteen seconds?" They stayed silent for that long, when suddenly screams pierced the air, reverberating off of the corridor walls.

"Fuck." She dropped her wand onto the floor. Swiftly and gracefully Snape bent down, grasped it, and, in one stride went over to the spot where he'd placed his wand.

"I'm sorry, dear, but I'm not letting you go out there."

"Bastard!"

"Yes, I am. Have fun!" He pushed her, hard into one of the open classrooms. She heard the lock click. There were no windows.

Outside of the room, battles had begun to rage. Sirius sprinted to the front lines, running up to McGonagall. She stood watching the Death Eaters come, her lips as thin as a graphite line.

"Where is Esmeralda?"

"She went to fight Snape. She thinks it was he who brought them here."

"I see. When did she go?"

"About a half an hour ago. I haven't seen either of them. Minerva do you think he's….?"

"There's a chance, but those two were so close….we mustn't worry about it now. You summoned the Order?"

"They're on their way. But until they get here…."

"There aren't nearly enough of them. Get my students. Get my Gryffindors."

"I should stay here and hold them off."

"If you stay here you may never see your wife again. Go _now_." He ran off as the Death Eaters came into closer view. A few of them had seen what was happening, including Bellatrix.

"My cousin is a wimp," she muttered darkly.

"What are you going to do about it?" Inquired a scraggly young redhead on her right.

"Easy. I'm going to kill his wife."

--

The Death Eaters rushed the school. Teenagers had lined up to fight, but they were no match. McGonagall walked the halls with a confident sort of fear and cringed as she saw a blonde fifteen-year-old Hufflepuff attempt to fight two male Death Eaters. Both were at least twice her size. All younger students were forced to stay in their dormitories, and only the older Gryffindors had been called. But somehow, someway, the word that older students were allowed to fight had spread to the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs.

Death Eaters were breaking into every room they could. They'd blast open the doors to classrooms, offices, even broom closets, and destroy everything that was inside. Fortunately, the large group that was attempting to break into Gryffindor tower was failing, and no one had tried to break into any of the other common rooms. The only people they could find were the ones they were supposed to be fighting.

Bellatrix Lestrange was the only exception. She raced through the dungeons, blasting away anything that obstructed her path. Ingredients for potions were whirled across the room, sometimes causing whatever they landed on to disintegrate. She skidded to a halt in front of Snape's office. She'd been hoping to find him and perhaps, if she could surrender her pride, congratulate him. She hadn't seen him since she'd arrived, and figured that this was the last place he could possibly be. She broke down the door, hoping to see him standing before her.

What she found was so much better.

"Little cousin-in-law! How I've missed the sweet, savory sound of your cracking bones," Bella cooed. Esme stood her ground, looking anything but beaten.

"Last I remember, Bella, you were under my wand—" she snarled.

"Wonder how many blokes have said that to you before?"

"Oh you'd be surprised. As I was saying, you were submitting to me, about to be killed at my hand, until your sugar daddy came along to save you."

"How dare you insult the Great Dark Lord!"

"So he's not your sugar daddy?"

"No!"

"I suppose I'm not surprised: You never seemed like the top to actually want something in return!" She smirked and, just for good measure, added, "Whore."

"I think you're forgetting who has the wand and who doesn't." Esme stared down at the length of wood pointed directly at her jugular. She thought about talking Bellatrix out of it. If she played her part well enough, she may actually be able to stall her until someone came to rescue her. If she did that, they could catch Bella and stun her, and then put her in Azkaban for life.

In the end she just acted on instinct. In the blink of an eye she whirled around, grasping a think, hard-bound book conveniently located right behind her. She then turned on her heel and smacked Bella over the head with it. She crumpled to the floor.

"Ciao darling," she cooed. She smirked at the collapsed body: Bella's hair was ratty and her skin was waxy. She was breathing, and Esme was somewhat glad that she hadn't killed someone. "Don't wait up….whore." And with that she stepped over Bella and sprinted into the dark halls of the school.

"Oh, don't you worry." The blood in Esme's veins ran cold. Recoiling slightly, she turned around to see Bellatrix pulling herself off of the ground. A bit of blood trickled down her forehead, but other than that she seemed no worse for the wear.

"You probably shouldn't stand up," Esme said quickly. "You probably have a second, maybe third grade concussion. You should get some rest." Bella eyed her coldly, the tiniest smirk playing on her lips.

"I'd recommend running, oh wandless wonder." Esme swallowed. Running away wasn't exactly _courageous, _but Bellatrix seemed quite a bit stronger than she'd been a year ago. Esme could see the ripple of new muscles beneath her robes. Running away seemed like the much _smarter_ choice.

She took off through the school, searching for a place to dart into and hide, throw Bellatrix off her scent. She made her way up into one of the main floors. Many of the doors were closed tightly, and most likely locked. She slowed to a walk, trying each of the doorknobs. Nothing gave way. Finally, at the end of the corridor, a glimmer of hope flitted through her stomach. Flitwick, good, sweet, trusting Flitwick, had left his door open. She could go in and climb out the window onto the roof. From there she could send out warning sparks to whoever was there (she was quite sure that the Death Eaters were all inside and the Order was on its way), then she could join the fight from the outside. She stepped into the silent, dark room.

"Hello, poppet," snarled Bellatrix, perched atop Flitwick's desk. Esme shrieked. She spun to run away, but the door slammed, locking her in the room. "Now, we are going to stay in here and not leave until one of us is dead. How does that sound?" She smiled, showing rows of sharp teeth.

Esme froze, unable to respond. Her eyes focused on Bellatrix, but quickly wandered over to the, gloriously open, window. Without thinking, she sprinted across the room and swung out the window. Bella let out an angry scream and followed, her silver eyes flashing like knives. She jumped on the roof, joining Esme. Esme's eyes widened as she saw one of Bellatrix's tacky, worn-out boots stumble over on of the castle's many cracks. She slipped wildly, her arms flailing about stupidly, and she dropped her wand. It rolled to the edge of the castle, and clattered to the earth. Bellatrix looked up at Esme, livid.

"Well," Esme said, smirking, "I think we know who wins in _this _kind of battle." She lunged at Bellatrix, tackling her to the ground. Bellatrix in turn rolled backwards and kicked her in the stomach. Esme gasped as the wind was knocked out of her and Bella pulled herself to her feet.

"I have a proposition for you," she snarled, "straight from the Dark Lord himself." Esme growled something incomprehensible while she massaged her stomach. Bellatrix grinned. "He wants you to join him."

"Yeah?" gasped Esme.

"Yes," her smile widened. "If you agree to join him, and give us access to the Weasley family, I will let you live. If not…" she looked towards the edge of the roof, her eyes twinkling madly.

"I'll join you," Esme hissed, rising to her feet, "when Voldemort finally fucks you like you've been _begging _him to all these years." She turned around to face Bellatrix, and pushed with all her might.

Bellatrix fell back through the window, her eyes wide and flashing dangerously. There was a loud crash and the sound of breaking glass as she hit the floor. Esme turned and ran as fast as she could to the edge of the roof. A small platform was at the end, she knew, it was on top of a balcony right above Gryffindor Tower.

Huffing and puffing, her feet skittering beneath her and her stomach aching, Esme sprinted across the roof. The stretch of stone was coming to an end…it was either turn or fall….There it was! The tiny stone platform was just below her, maybe ten feet. She stopped at the edge, covered her eyes…and jumped.


	13. Chapter 13: The Breaking Point

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

--

Esme hit the balcony with a soft thud, followed by a loud crack. She winced. She'd landed on her right wrist, and it was already beginning to turn purple and swell. But there was no need to worry about that now. All she had to do was get back into the school, track down Snape, get her wand back, and _kill _Bellatrix Lestrange…without being seen. Suddenly not pushing Bellatrix off of the rooftop seemed like the stupidest idea in the history of stupid ideas.

Tenderly, she pulled herself back onto her feet. She didn't dare to look out over the balcony or up at stars; she knew her stomach would drop and her body would soon follow suit. Esme paused for a breath, running the fingers of her good hand through her tangled hair. She climbed pack onto the lower story's roof. Having visited it a number of times in her school days, she knew for a fact that McGonagall's office was only a bit away from Gryffindor Tower. Holding her breath to keep her balance, she walked carefully across the dusty roof.

It only took a few minutes to get across to the window. Peeking into the window, she saw the piles of parchment still layered across McGonagall's desk. She could barely make out the heavy black D scrawled across one of the essays. Now all she had to do was get through the window. She tried once, pushing her hand against it. The window wouldn't budge. Either it opened outward, or McGonagall had been smart enough to lock it. Not waiting to check it another time, Esme glanced down at her swollen wrist. Well, it was already hurt…and she couldn't really feel it…

Esme clambered through the window and into the office, pulling shards of bloody glass out of her hand as she went. She had been quite wrong in the assumption that it wouldn't hurt. Quite, quite wrong. Stumbling over desks, she made her way towards the door.

Outside of the office, night had fallen quickly. The dank halls around the classroom, were cold and empty. A tiny shiver ran down Esme's spine. Esme tiptoed out of the room, too scared to breathe. If she could get to the Great Hall she could join the fights….but the hall was so far from where she was, and Snape had taken her wand. She was utterly defenseless. With the halls so black and silent, someone could easily reach around and grab her.

Pulling her self up onto a narrow ledge and peeking out a small window, she could see that the Dark Mark had yet to appear. Stars twinkled down like tiny candles. _It's too beautiful a night for an attack, _she mused. She jumped off the ledge and onto the floor, hoping not to make a sound. Unfortunately, the heels of her one-inch mules hit the floor with a mighty CLACK that rang out in the hallway like church bells.

"_Fuck_," she hissed and slid off her shoes. As silently as possible she continued down the hallway.

She nearly screamed when someone grabbed her broken wrist and tugged her into the closet.

"Say nothing."

"Severus?"

"Yes. Kingsley and I were dueling when I saw Bellatrix head down here and I went after her. She turned and saw me, so I ducked into this broom closet." His face was sweaty and pale and he looked more frightened than Esme had ever seen.

"Some gentleman you are!" she snapped, smacking him on the arm. "I was left to deal with her with my own two hands! I didn't even have a wand!"

"_Quiet down! _If anyone hears us we're toast! Now _stay here. _It's not safe for you out there!" Suddenly outbursts of both screams and raucous laughter broke out all over the school. Panicked, Esme and Snape rushed out of the closest. Snape, tall enough to see out the window without having to climb on a ledge, muttered, "It's the Dark Mark."

"Give me my wand," Esme said icily. Snape looked at her as though she'd just requested him to tap dance in a tutu.

"You can't go out there, Esme," he said firmly. Esme raised her eyebrows, not sure to feel entertained or perturbed.

"Please," she said, reaching into the hip pocket of his robes with her left hand and extracting her wand, "what do you expect of me?"

"I honestly do not know." He smirked at her, taking the wand with a stronger grip and pulling it out of her hand. She gripped his wrist with her left hand.

"Yes, of course. About a hundred Death Eaters appear at the school and the one _well known _Death Eater has nothing to do with it, and he's forbidding _me _to go out there. Do you honestly think I'll listen to you?" Her words were playful, as though she didn't really expect him to hold her pack.

"Yes I do. Now, why don't you kindly let me go?"

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"I shouldn't answer that, should I?"

"I _will _kill you."

"Look, I don't have the power to summon this many people. It's not my fault they're here, and I'm not going to…."

"To what? Make them leave? Force them out? Oh, no, I forget! You don't have that power!" she cried out, her tone mocking. Every word hung with a slight echo. "Now what? You're just hanging around in the hallways dragging me out of sight when I may actually be of use to someone!"

"You'd have been dead once you hit the battles!" Snape laughed, seeming somewhat hysterical. "You don't even have a wand! And it looks like your arm's broken! Why the hell would you want to go out there?"

"For all I know my husband's dead," she deadpanned.

"Do you want to join him? Because that's what's going to happen once you head out there." He stared deep into her pale blue eyes and his heart broke. "Just stay here, please. That's all I'm asking." Esme stared back into the emptiness of his black eyes. Sirius had spent twelve long years in a soul-sucking prison and even his eyes held more light than Snape's. They stood staring at each other for what felt like forever.

Suddenly another set of footsteps filled the silence. They turned and saw the redhead, the one who had been seen talking to Bellatrix, running towards them.

"Snape!" Her voice was nervous. She couldn't be any older than nineteen. In fact, Esme thought that she recognized her as an old student. "He's here! Draco's got him cornered but we're not sure if—who is _she_?" Her cheeks flared bright pink. Snape looked at her, feigning innocence.

"What?"

"The woman next to you. Who is she?"

"Um, well, she's my, er…." Esme smirked.

"I'm his _bitch_."

"Oh, um, all right. Well, uh, Snape, you should probably head up to the tower. Y'know, 'cause he just got back from wherever he was and he seems sort of, you know, vulnerable," she ended weakly.

"Wait a moment, are you talking about Dumbledore?" Snape and the redhead both stared at her, until Snape spoke softly.

"It's time for me to go."

The redhead ran away and Snape followed hesitantly, while Esme stood back, unable to speak, unable to move.

However, this whole 'too stunned to move' thing was halted as Bellatrix stumbled out of the darkness. She looked like she'd sustained quite a blow to the head when Esme pushed her through the window. Yes, she was really wishing she'd just throw her off the roof.

"Oh, oh I am so gonna kill you bitchy midget cousin…" she slurred. Esme reached for her wand, realizing with a start that she was, in fact, defenseless.

_So…I'm totally fucked if she tries to duel with me and there are no heavy objects with which to bludgeon her….again. However, she does look quite disoriented; perhaps I should just run like the wind._

"Oh, Esme! Come out and pla-ay! Play forever and ever and ever…" _Yes, running definitely sounds like the best choice._

Esme took off, sprinting barefoot down the hall. Bellatrix, still a bit confused about what the hell was going on, ran after her.

_What the fuck? Is she running after me? _The two kept running blindly through the school, dashing down stairwells, even taking a leap from one platform to the next when the fall wasn't too long. Esme, confident that she'd lost Bella but not confident enough to stop running, turned her head around while keeping the rest of her body forward. This turned out not to be her brightest move; the second she did that, her foot hit a body (why was there a body on the floor) and she flew forward onto the ground, landing at Snape's feet.

"Severus!" He looked down at her with something like disgust.

"I told you to stay back, woman!" he roared, his eyes as cold and dark as black ice; his voice soon followed suit. "If you dare to follow me, I promise you will be killed. _Stay where you lie._"

He disappeared up the stairs as Esme pulled herself to her feet. She stared at the face-down body she'd tripped over. Even in the dark she could make out the fang earring and red ponytail.

"Bill…"

"_Avada Kedavra!" _Esme flinched as she heard Snape's voice pierce the night sky. Soon enough a large group of Death Eaters appeared proudly at the foot of the stairs, a mangy, unfamiliar man leading them.

"Fools fighting for the Order: Your leader has fallen!" he cried. Gasps slipped out from the silence. "Yes! Your precious 'Professor Dumbledore' lies broken on the ground below the tower. Now, I strongly suggest you scatter, unless you desire to follow suit." Shoes squeaked as people rushed to get as far from the stairwell as possible.

Esme held her breath. She was almost sure no one could them behind the wide stone pillar, but her heart was still hammering. Snape and Draco walked past, neither of them looking. Then went three unfamiliar Death Eaters, two men and a woman. The last one to leave was the man who'd made the announcement, his shaggy grey hair shining like silver in the dim light. Suddenly he stopped, his nose twitching almost imperceptibly. Then he turned and peeked behind the pillar. Esme noticed his extra-long canine teeth as his mouth split into a wide, hungry smile.

"Well, well," he purred. "What have we here?" He reached out and ran a long, yellow nail over Esme's jawbone, sending unpleasant shivers down her spine. "Out after hours, aren't you, princess?"

"Get away," Esme said, her voice shaking slightly. She pulled her self to her feet, allowing Bill's body to fall away. "I'm warning you." She reached into her pockets, fumbling about for her wand, which, of course, she didn't have. The man's smile widened.

"Such a sweet, young thing," he whispered, licking his lips. "And it would be a shame to let you go to waste…" He took another step forward.

"Get back!" This time it wasn't Esme's voice in the corridor, but Snape's. He was standing before them, his face alive with a sort of cold fury. The man stiffened, but didn't move away from Esme. His mouth was mere inches away from her, and she could see that horrible glint off of his teeth… "Greyback!" snarled Snape. "I said get back. We've done our job."

"I don't need your help," Esme scowled. Her heart was still hammering in her throat, but all she could feel was a pulsating hatred for Snape's cold, black eyes.

"Clearly you do," he growled. "Get back!" her roared, brandishing his wand in the man's direction.

Finally, the man turned away from her. "One life won't matter, Snape. We'll prove our point, show our power. The Dark Lord will be proud."

"Not if you _eat _his _goddaughter,_" Snape said, sounding more than a little irritated. The man turned pale.

"Oh."

"Yes," he growled. Then he jerked his head in the direction of the door. "Go." The man took off running. Snape glanced at Esme furtively.

"_Traitor,_" she hissed, forcing as much malice into the one word as possible. Snape stepped forward and pushed her down, using more force than he'd meant.

"You know nothing, Esme," he said. He sounded almost sad. "_Nothing._" Then he turned and left, following the path of the other man.

She stared after him. Something in his words, it all seemed too familiar. _You know nothing, Esme. _It was like she'd heard it before…She looked at her brother. There was something in his pocket, just poking out a bit. She pulled at it. A handkerchief. _Must be Fleur's, _she thought with a smile. She pulled the whole thing out, and her eyes widened into saucers.

Memories flashed before her. A set of pale green dress robes. A party packed with people. There was a vampire in the corner…Slughorn seemed a bit tipsy. And Snape. Snape was there. Then he was gone. Where was he? It was like watching herself from a stranger's view. She'd stepped out into the hall, people were fighting. Someone ran away. Now _she _was fighting. Who was she fighting? Why had she left the party? Now he was threatening her. He was going to hurt someone. Who was he? Oh, she must have gotten hurt, she was sitting on the floor, crying. No, she was okay. Oh, fantastic, now she had her opponent up against the wall. Then, oh. Oh no. She saw his face, clear as day, just as he spun around and hit her. Hard.

Tears filled Esme's eyes as the blood-soaked green silk handkerchief fluttered to the ground.

--

**A/N: **I've only got about two more chapters of this fic, and then I start the fifth, and last, story! I've actually got a title worked out this time! It shall be full of Snangst! (Snape angst) Please review!


	14. Chapter 14: Words of Wisdom

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

--

Esme sat down on the floor, cradling Bill's facedown head in her good arm. Her head was pounding and she felt as though she had run a mile. People were rushing everywhere: Death Eaters seemed to want to leave now that Dumbledore was dead and everyone else seemed to want to keep them back long enough to kill them. Hell, even Harry had come rushing down. Bellatrix had yet to come back and chase down Esme, but somehow that didn't surprise her. _Perhaps in her delirium she fell off the stairs and died! _She smiled at the thought, but she was immediately reminded of Dumbledore and the fact that she had absolutely no idea whether or not her husband, friends, or family were still alive. She began sobbing again, her hot tears falling over Bill's neck. He stirred.

"Bill?" she whispered, praying for him to wake up.

"Fleur?" he murmured into the floor.

"No! Do I sound French and bitchy?"

"Yes….Esme."

"Can you move?"

"Yeah, I'm all right. It's just my…."

"Face!" Bill looked as though he had had a run-in with some farm equipment. Huge, bleeding gashes lined his face and Esme could see blood on her robes from the wounds. "Oh my God, Bill, Mum's going to be really mad at whoever did this; you were the best looking of all of her sons!"

"Um, yes," he said, looking at Esme nervously. "It was Fenrir Greyback."

"Him?" Esme gasped. "Oh, I do _not _like that guy. Also I find it my duty to kill him since he announced Dumbledore's death so…."

Flippantly? Cheerfully? What was she supposed to tell Bill?

"Bill, Dumbledore's dead."

"I know," he whispered. "I heard."

"What are we going to do?" Esme felt as though the world was crashing down around her. Dumbledore was dead, she hadn't seen Sirius in ages, and Snape…she couldn't believe it. Was her memory playing tricks on her? Madam Pomfrey had told her that Snape was the person who rescued her. How could he be a murderer? But she had heard him kill Dumbledore….It didn't make sense.

"The first thing we have to do is go to the hospital wing," Bill said firmly. "I've been attacked by a werewolf and it looks like you ran into a wall."

"I, um, did."

--

"Esme love, you should sleep," Molly said softly as she watched her daughter pace the length of the hospital wing. Pomfrey had returned her arm to its normal whole state and closed the gashes from the glass. All of her family had gone to get their wounds treated and to check in on Bill.

Well, almost all of her family.

"He's still out their Mum!" Esme protested. Sirius hadn't returned yet. "If they find him I want to be awake when they come and tell…" her voice broke. She was surrounded by her family, but from the look on her face you'd swear she had no one to go to. She looked….lost. Scared even. Looks that no one had ever seen on her face before.

Slowly, as she stared at the door, a strange figure began to appear. It almost looked like a giant bird, or perhaps an angel. However, once it got closer, she realized that it was two people supporting a third.

"Honestly Tonks! Even I don't think attacking a werewolf so you may 'settle a score' is a good idea!" one of the two supporters questioned, his voice exasperated.

"Do you see why we can't be together now? If I did something like what he did to you while it was a full moon you could easily be killed!" The other supporter sounded anxious, even scared.

"Oh dear, oh dear." Madam Pomfrey rushed to get Tonks a chair as the three of them entered the room and came into full sight.

"SIRIUS!" Esme cried, jumping into his arms. "I thought you were dead!"

"Aww, glad to know you care. Actually, you should have been more worried about her," he said, gesturing to Tonks. "She took a leaf out of your book and tackled Greyback, claiming revenge on what he did to the man she loves. Didn't work out so well…"

"Do you see now Remus?" Esme laughed. "She's willing to tackle a _werewolf _for you! What do you think that proves?"

"That she's completely insane?" groaned Remus.

"Yes! That she loves you enough to risk her life!" He frowned and she raised her eyebrows as if to say, 'Why not Remus? Come on, tell me why not!'

"I'm too old."

"You're the same age as Sirius, and he's _definitely_ not old," she purred, wrapping an arm around her husband's waist.

"I'm too poor."

"If you can't afford a home, you could always go live with my parents!"

"Esme, darling, you need to stop inviting people to live with us," Arthur said.

"I'm too _dangerous!_"

Esme stayed silent, but Tonks spoke up. "Do you think I don't understand that? Look Remus, as much as I may enjoy pretending that I'm _not, _in reality I'm an intelligent person. I know that I'd be risking my neck to be with you, but I don't give a damn. I _love _you. And ever since I met Esme, I learned that when you love someone recklessly and freely, then nothing in the world can drive you apart. _Absolutely nothing._"

"Maybe we should talk about this elsewhere," he said, sounding defeated.

"My place or yours?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't really have a _house…_" he began.

"And, um, I live with my parents…"

"Room of Requirement?" Esme quipped, raising an eyebrow.

"That sounds pretty good!" Tonks laughed and rose from her chair, much to Madam Pomfrey's dismay.

"You can't leave! You were just in a fight with a _werewolf! _You have multiple wounds that need urgent medical attention! All of you are staying here."

"Yes Madam Pomfrey," everyone muttered.

--

"I can't believe he's gone," Esme said softly. She and Sirius stood by the casket, both dressed in dark dress robes. She traced the line of his jaw with her index finger. "He looks so peaceful. It's like he's sleeping." She turned sharply to Sirius and cried, "It's not fair! Dumbledore was the nicest, kindest, wisest man I've ever met! He never mistreated Severus and he didn't deserve to die!"

"Shhh, I know, Esme. I know." He wrapped her in his arms. "But he's gone. There's nothing left for us to do."

"I could kill Severus."

"Um," he tensed up, "you _could. _But, love, you've got to remember that you've already vowed revenge on Lucius. You wouldn't want to get him away with abandoning you, would you?"

"No…." Esme sighed. Snape _deserved_ to die, if he'd done to her what she thought he'd done to her.

"And you should probably kill Bella while you're at it. If anyone deserves to be brutally murdered by a short, frightening in-law, it's her."

"I suppose, but he was my friend and he totally betrayed me!"

"I know the feeling," he muttered darkly. "But you have to keep moving. Even now, good things are coming from his actions: your brother's getting married, your best friend's in love with my best friend…."

"Yeah, I guess so—wait just one minute! You hated Severus. Why all the sudden defenses?"

He smiled that annoying 'I have years more wisdom than you' smile, and responded. "I've been a hated criminal, Esme, and through my years in Azkaban, I have seen murderers cry out in fear and pain, showing that they too have consciences and souls, and may even lament their actions to the point where they can no longer live. And by seeing that I have learned that sometimes, Esme, people are not all that their crimes may tell."

--

**A/N: **I try to be wise, but my characters just sound bitchy. Whatever. One more chapter to go, then a new story!

Esme: Oh, come off it! Can't you just kill me off in some freak assassination? That's all the story's building up to.

Sirius: What?! I thought the story was building up to our wedding, and all this falling action was getting us to our "happily ever after"!

Farmy, the Ghetto House Elf: You're both wrong, bitches! This story's all about me!

Snape: God, deliver me…._please. _


	15. Chapter 15: Epilogue

**Typical Disclaimers Apply**

**A/N: **I'm breaking my own rules with this chapter: If you haven't noticed I start a new story at the beginning of each new book, if that makes sense. I took this from the start of _Deathly Hallows. _I cheated. Enjoy, and feedback is _definitely _welcome! Italicized parts are taken directly from the books!

--

"_Dinner, Nagini," said Voldemort softly, and the great snake swayed and slithered from his shoulders onto the polished wood. _"Now, onto new a new subject," he said, looking directly at Snape. "My goddaughter. She is yet _another _person Bellatrix had failed to kill." He looked pointedly at Bellatrix who, though covered in bruises from the Hogwarts infiltration, still blushed violently.

"But my Lord! You told us not to harm her!" she protested. Snape smirked to himself, trying to force back a laugh. It came out as a cross between a hiccup and a sneeze. Lucius stared at him.

"Dare you defy me, woman!" Voldemort shouted, looking sidelong at Snape. "I have decided without any notice that she's not going to be helpful and, if by some freak circumstance all of my Horcruxes are destroyed and I die, I don't want her getting all my money." Although Voldemort wasn't very wealthy, he felt it would be right to refuse another inheritance to a woman who had been denied so many. "You should have known, Bellatrix, that this is what I wanted. Because of your flawed thinking, I'm not going to assign you her murder. Instead I'm going to give it to….hmm…." he scoped the room. Snape met his glance and shrugged. "No, Severus, you couldn't kill her if she lay bleeding and already half-dead in your arms and wanted you to put her out of her misery." Snape stared at Voldemort while Bellatrix's eyes let up almost imperceptibly.

"Well, I can honestly say that I've never thought of _that _scenario," he said, although the statement had made him uncomfortable.

"Yes…." He returned to looking over his Death Eaters. He looked hard at Lucius, who flinched. "Yes, Lucius," he smiled coldly. "You've welcomed me into your home, you deserve a victim."

"She's my daughter," he said, almost inaudibly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, My Lord," he said feebly. His cheeks had gone white and a dead look started to appear behind his eyes.

"Please, My Lord," Bellatrix begged. "All I want to do is kill this girl, to take revenge for what she did to me in the Department of Mysteries!" Her dark eyes flooded with tears. Voldemort rolled his eyes.

"Bellatrix, do I give second chances?" he asked, his tone condescending. She muttered something under her breath. "What was that?"

"No, My Lord," she said, sounding defeated.

"I didn't think so." He turned to Lucius, "You will kill her, and _don't _just break into the school and start randomly killing people. I've tried that before and it doesn't work."

"My Lord, sir," Narcissa started, looking anxious, "I hate to ask so much of you, but isn't there another person who can do this? I mean, he did raise her, and really, does it matter who kills her, just as long as she's gone?"

"Are you volunteering, Narcissa?"

"Me? No, my Lord. I didn't even want to give her up and I couldn't stand to kill her! We raised her since she was a child."

"And you have no desire to _please _The Dark Lord?" his voice rising to an almost prepubescent squeal. "You don't want to make my dream of families killing family members real? Is that what you're saying Cissy? Because if that's what you're saying, if you don't give a _shit _about my hopes and dreams for the future, well, you can just _leave_!"

_**Meanwhile….**_

"I can't fucking believe this," Esme muttered to herself. She'd been stationed directly outside the Malfoy Manor. "He's dead for less than a month and Mad-Eye's already taken over and defying all of his orders. '_You know the area, don't you?_ _You _did _grow up there.' _Bastard. Those fucking peacocks used to chase me down and peck me half to death. Hate this place." It was true, the Malfoy Manor had brought back some painful memories, especially when the peacocks chased her down, squawking loudly enough to break glass.

She climbed not-so-stealthily onto the roof of the manor, realizing painfully that it was completely made of glass. "This is new. Why would a man so ugly want the entire world to see him? Also, why am I climbing on his roof and talking to myself? I must be going completely insane." Her foot slipped and she smashed open a window. "Well, that proves it." She waited for an alarm to go off and for Death Eaters to come running, but nothing happened. In the silence she heard Snape's voice.

"…and even if he _is _willing to kill her, he doesn't have access to her! She's going to spend all of her time at the school and I don't want Death Eaters randomly infiltrating my school and attempting to off one of my best professors!" He sounded mad, but also a little panicked. The fact that Snape was scared made Esme nearly giddy, as her foot slipped and she smashed another pane of glass.

"FINE!" She recognized that high, cold voice. "You know what Snape, if you want to be bitch, that's bloody fine with me! Now, here is my new rule: f we want someone dead, we find them, kidnap them, and take them to whoever's supposed to murder them! So whoever finds this girl can take her to Lucius and he can do the honors!" Esme snickered to herself. She'd never heard anyone get mad at Snape, so this was a rare treat. "Now this applies to everyone except Snape because he's a bloody wimp! And why is it so fucking cold in here? You know I like the house temperature to be the same as your body temperature, Lucius! Why did you defy my orders?"

"Someone broke in like five minutes ago," muttered a Death Eater who was lying, stretched-out on the floor.

"Well then why didn't you say anything, you stupid floor-person!"

"_I'll_ go see who it is," Snape said silkily. He walked calmly out of the sitting room, through the kitchen, and into the hall with the broken panels of glass. Very quickly, he reached through the whole and grabbed the front of Esme robes, accidentally feeling her up in the process.

"_Snape!"_ she shrieked, feeling uncomfortably violated.

"Well, well, well look who it is. And we were just talking about you too."

_To be continued…_

--

**A/N: **Yes! It's done! Hopefully the next story will have fewer cliffhangers. I honestly never planned those! Honestly! However, it will be full of "interesting" situations, various epilogues, and at least one alternate ending! _Teacher's Guide to Dictatorship Rebellions _is the title!

Snape: That was an awkward and uncomfortable chapter…

Esme: Unclean…so unclean…


End file.
